Wellness Wednesday- Postpartum Depression

Mixed emotions, depression and anxiety are a part of giving birth for most women. Of course there are those that say they never felt sad but whatever to them. This post is not for you. 

Postpartum depression (PPD) is mild to severe depression occurring after a woman gives birth. It typically occurs within the first three months postpartum, but can happen right after delivery and up to one year after birth. PPD is different from the baby blues as it is long lasting. Baby blues are natural reaction to such a major life change and the symptoms usually fade within two weeks.. 

While there is no single cause for PPD there are several factors involved. After having a baby there is a significant drop and change in your hormones. Other factors contributing to PPD include financial strain, life stress, difficulty feeding the baby (for breast feeders), a baby with colic, and lack of support. Also of note those suffering with depression or having suffered with depression in the past are at greater risk for PPD.

 Postpartum depression symptoms may include:

• Loss of appetite
• Insomnia
• Intense irritability and anger
• Overwhelming fatigue
• Loss of interest in sex
• Lack of joy in life
• Feelings of shame, guilt or inadequacy
• Severe mood swings
• Difficulty bonding with your baby
• Withdrawal from family and friends
• Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

If these symptoms persist for more than two weeks or begin to interfere with your ability to care for your baby it is time to seek help. You may start by calling your OBGYN and they may make necessary referrals.

Postpartum depression is a REAL thing. If you happen to be one of the women who has/had this struggle SEEK HELP. There is no shame. Never let anyone make you feel like a bad mother for having this disorder. I would say it takes a better and stronger mom to admit to having PPD and seek help. Remember you can not be the best for your family if you are not well.

Super Woman is a Cartoon- Lets Be Real

Lately I have been having a ton of mixed unexplained emotions. This is to be expected because I had a baby on November 5 sending my emotions on a roller coaster.  I have been having some extreme mommy and wife guilt mixed with mild depression and anxiety that is on steroids. I have been feeling as if I should be doing more despite all that I am doing. Then it hit me whose standards was I using to determine how well I was doing anyway? superwoman?

Photo cred- http://illumistrations.tumblr.com/

 That chick doesn't exist. So in an effort to self soothe and help other women I came up with these 4 things that all new moms and women in general need to remember:

1. Appreciate that you cant do it all all the time. If your feeding the baby (or working on a project for the non moms) then in that moment your not doing anything else. So laundry, dinner, and calling your friend back all have to wait. Don't try to multi task unless you have to while the baby is so young.  You have plenty of time to become a multi tasking master.

2. Accidents happen!- They are inevitable and no one but Jesus is perfect. You will poke your baby in the cheek trying to get that onesie on. You will warm the milk to much and have to wait for it to cool as your baby screams bloody murder. You will use the breast pump and then spill the liquid gold you drained from your sore boob. Learn to laugh and move forward.

3. Do something for you even if it is small- Lets be honest sometimes getting out of bed to shower and make sure you change your pajamas is a whole task especially when you have a new baby and your always tired. However fresh pajamas and combing your hair does wonders for you. You feel a little more human and little less dairy-cow/robot if you keep up on your hygiene.  If you are a makeup lady put some on. For me its singing loudly in the shower and taking my scarf off and combing my hair. Its small but it keeps me sane.

4.Lower the bar.- This does not mean be a loser or be complacent but Pinterest, Facebook, movies and magazines will have you feeling bad because the other moms "have it all together". They craft, cook, organize all while wearing heels and a full face of make up making it look super easy. Well let me just tell you They lied!!!! They put their best foot forward on social media for the likes and other numbers and we all know tv land and magazine world is not real. Half the chicks in the magazine don't even have children that is why they don't have stretch marks.

The way I see it if you are juggling all your responsibilities and meeting deadlines in life and work you are the real super woman. Give yourself a pat on the back... too bad we dont have capes!

What are your tips for time management?
How do you stay sane when it seems you have so much to do?

Wellness Wednesday!- Fear

Previously I did a post on decision making.That process is a therapist’s attempt to help people make rational decisions using logic and emotions, because life runs on both. Unfortunately we have the ability to over think things. We often allow fear to make us be still when what we really need is to move forward. We let the “what ifs” and “maybe not” or our own insecurities stop us from doing what we need to do to excel.

Stepping outside of our comfort zone is very scary and I will be the first to admit that even I have to talk myself out of my comfort box but honey the view on the other side is amazing. Recently I took a new job. When I tell you I cried off and on that first week I am downplaying the tears. No one was mean to me but it wasn’t my old job.

The sense of security and comfort of the previous gig was gone. Now this is not to say that the old place didn’t have its issues and bugs but it surprisingly was home. I felt like I was leaving my family.

Entering into this new role has been challenging and scary. I’m a dam good therapist. My style does not work for everyone but I am good at what I do(did). Its my passion I love to know that I’m helping others. My new role is that of a planner and coordinator in a world that I am unfamiliar with.  I’m still helping others just in a different way and I have had to come to terms with that. Fear is an understatement of what I felt in my new position. Along with the fear I felt extreme guilt. Guilt about leaving my clients, my coworkers, and the work in general. I mean I went to school for this right. My previous boss told me “never feel bad about doing what is right for your family.”

This job is right for my family in more ways than the pay increase. It gives me more time. Its less stress and I’m not as drained when I come home (so far). I said all that to say that we can never allow fear to hold us back. We cannot be afraid to make that leap. I say whether it is taking a new job, leaving a relationship, going to the gym for the first time, whatever it is take a deep breath and go!!!!

Wellness Wednesday- PTSD

As usual my wellness posts are inspired by my clients. Today I saw a client who said “I just wish I could go back before it all happened.” She was describing her life as a well adjusted adult with friends, hobbies, and what she perceived as purpose. Then she was raped. Now EVERYTHING for her has changed and she struggles daily to function. She is suffering with Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. This disorder gained a lot of attention with soldiers however it effects others as well. For this woman the thought of a man being behind her sends her into an anxiety attack. She cannot imagine dating because with dating comes sex most times and she has lost all desire. Even if a man is polite she sees him as a threat. Needless to say her relationship with her boyfriend is over. The final thing that brought her to therapy was when her mom looked at her and said “move on a lot of people have been raped and they put their lives back together.” She cried as she told me that she didn’t know how to stop smelling him, hearing his voice, and thinking about the incident. She began to sob as she went on to tell how one night destroyed her life. She is not sleeping, she is angry and ALWAYS afraid.

Then she looked up at me with tearful brown eyes and asked “now how do I get back to before.” As a woman I wanted to hug her and tell her how strong she was for even showing up today and that she could certainly get through this. As a therapist I did some other intervention that involves asking her to describe before and identify her negative thoughts.

Post-traumatic stress disorder is a type of anxiety disorder. It can occur after you've seen or experienced a traumatic event that involved the threat of injury or death. Below I have detailed the symptoms.



Symptoms of PTSD fall into three main categories:

1. "Reliving" the event, which disturbs day-to-day activity

·         Flashback episodes, where the event seems to be happening again and again

·         Repeated upsetting memories of the event

·         Repeated nightmares of the event

·         Strong, uncomfortable reactions to situations that remind you of the event

2. Avoidance

·         Emotional "numbing," or feeling as though you don't care about anything

·         Feeling detached

·         Being unable to remember important aspects of the trauma

·         Having a lack of interest in normal activities

·         Showing less of your moods

·         Avoiding places, people, or thoughts that remind you of the event

·         Feeling like you have no future or a sense of a shortened future

3. Arousal

·         Difficulty concentrating

·         Startling easily

·         Having an exaggerated response to things that startle you

·         Feeling more aware (hypervigilance)

·         Feeling irritable or having outbursts of anger

·         Having trouble falling or staying asleep

 

Reading this post does not make you an expert. If you or someone you know needs help GO AND GET IT!!!! You can regain control of your life.

What its Wellness Wednesday!!!!

Its Wednesday I’m feeling good (no reported client relapses today) and I have some minor down time so let me see if I can pull this post together! Lately my clients have been struggling with decision making. It seems so easy to me. Weigh your options and go with the one that is best for you. I am a list person so I write out the pros and cons and boom the decision kind of makes itself. Still you wouldn’t believe how hard that may be for some for whatever reason.  So the 7 clients I saw today inspired this post. How to make a decision….



 

 

1.       Look past the moment.- In recovery lingo they say “play the tape all the way through.” This just means once the decision is made what type of benefits and consequences may follow. A sign of immaturity is going for that instant gratification, and making the decision in the present moment not caring what happens next. It is important to remember one decision may have very long lasting term benefits or consequences.

2.       Is this a head or a heart choice?- Head choices tend to be practical, calculated, and make a lot sense. While heart choices feel right they speak to your passions as a person. Now this one is tricky because in some instances you need to follow your heat, but there are also times when it may lead you astray and you have to use your head. In my personal life the choices I am most happy with had a good combo of the two.

3.       Ask yourself will I be ok if this doesn’t work?- When thinking about failure this includes money, love, relationships, energy and time that we feel is wasted. Should your decision not work out the way you planned are you resilient enough to bounce back. For example betting your whole life savings on a race. If you lose then what? Do you have income to rebuild what you lost?

4.       How will this effect those around me?- This is especially important for those of us who are attached to someone (ie- kids, spouses).  Once the decision is made should it be great or a great disaster how are others effected. Keeping the race example from above if you lose your saving will your children be able to attend college, get braces?

 



 

So there you have it. This post pretty much sums up the day I have had LOL. Except that I often have to say how will drugs effect the outcome? LOL Hope you enjoyed this. What’s your decision making process?

Wellness Wednesday on a Thursday- Sleep

Ok in an effort to be positive and get back to me let’s do some wellness…

Recently I have had a barrage of clients who “can’t sleep” and it’s weird because I too have been unable to sleep this week. However I know the rules of good sleep hygiene.  So let me share them with you:

 



·         NO Caffeine after 12pm- seriously I know for some of us on the go moms, and women in general around 2 its like uggh I need that second cup but if bedtime is an issue you should really refrain.

·         No scary/mystery movies at bedtime if you are fearful of a situation (especially if you have PTSD)

·         Exercise is important- is gives you energy but also helps you sleep well, weird I know but eh that’s what the books I read say

·         NO DISTRACTIONS in bed- now I personally read, tweet, blog, and read blogs in bed but when sleep is an issue as it has been this week that is a major NO NO. when you lay down you want your mind to tell your body its ok to shut down not stay up and keep doing this random stiff I am trying to fit in my day

 

 



·         No bright lights or loud music- I would say only use wordless music since music has the tendency to bring up memories

·         Have a bed time ritual (ok moms you did it for the kiddos maybe you need on)- do the same thing over and over and your brain will learn that it is bed time- try soothing lotions and soaps. I love Lavender scents when I have a hard time sleeping

·         Do not take naps

·         Have a set bed and wake time, it will help regulate your body

 



 

 

This list is not a cure all and I know some of it wont work for you but its worth a try. Have a great day!!!

Wellness Wednesday!

Its Wednesday hell yea Friday is around the corner!!!

 

I’ve been thinking about my blog, design, post, content, readership, and such a lot lately. Of course it would be great to have a billion readers and have people send me things for free to try but I’m thinking maybe that’s not me. Or at least not now. Some one left an anonymous comment noting that wellness Wednesday would never get me readers and I say SUCK IT! I have to stay true to me so here it is…

Wellness is a term used to describe a healthy balance in the mind body and spirit. For the purpose of this post I want to talk about life balance.

 

 

 I HAVE NONE LOL. It seems something always suffers. I am a mother, therapist, fiancé, sister, aunt, full time grad student, new gym rat, friend, and my commitments seem endless. I always feel like there is not enough time in the day as Im sure most women do.

So what do we do about that? How can I have it all? Or can we have it all? I  prioritize but it seems something is always neglected. For example at work, when I do all my treatment plans I forget about my discharge summaries. At home if I clean up the house, the laundry is either not done or not put away. Lets say Im just busting with energy (never) and Im on top of my game at work and at home, my school work suffers. How do we create that balance?...

Its different for everyone but here it what has started working for me…

1.       PRAY!!!- To God, brother rock, Buddha, Allah, Your Higher power, whomever helps you be a better you

2.       Accept that you can’t do it all *You mean Im not Super Woman in real life?*

3.       Take personal time outs- this is also known as gym/workout in the living room and hog the big TV  time

4.       Figure out what is important and put this at the TOP of the list- MY FAMILY

5.       Make a to do list- USE the to do list- on your phone, in your purse, on the fridge wherever

6.       Get a freakin schedule- now the real trick is sticking to it LOL

7.       If you are a procrastinator give yourself extra time- I seriously have like 4 alarms set because I like to lay there until the last possible minute

8.       Get some rest!!!

9.       DO NOT try to cram EVERYTHING into Saturday or you end up not feeling rested at all

10.   Delegate- let the boo, and the kiddos help out around the house, just know it wont be perfect

11.   Light Candles and drink Wine- on cheat day!

So there you have my personal Wellness plan. I make mistakes and don’t stick to it sometimes but these main things keep me from going postal and make others believe I have it all figured out. What about you?

Wellness Wednesday- Seeking Help

For this weeks installment I wanted to climb on my soap box for just a second and talk about the stigma surrounding mental health. I will be the first to admit that MH treatment has come a long way but it is still not taken seriously enough.

In some cultures there is a belief that you can "pray it away." While I believe in God I know people who suffer with schizophrenia and they pray for their audio hallucinations to stop ALL THE TIME and still they continue. There are some people who believe that those with mental illness are "not strong enough." I disagree. Think about it, how hard is life in general. Bills, work, weight, life, love, children, cooking, cleaning..... there is a daily struggle to manage things and ensure that our own needs are met. Now consider having schizophrenia, suffering with depression, or even a panic disorder and still have to manage all those same things. Mental illness is not asked for. No one wakes up and says hmmm I want to be very sad and feel worthless, or today I think I want to have auditory hallucinations that tell me how terrible I am and tell me to harm myself.

I chose this topic because as I was doing an intake (the person's initial appointment) today the woman flat out said "I don't really think all this will help." When I asked her to elaborate she noted that she did not believe in MH treatment and that people needed to "suck it up." Needless to say I was becoming irritated and somehow intrigued. I asked her if she was aware that she was in a MH clinic and seeking services and she stated that she had tried everything else in the world and wanted to see what therapy was all about. The intake was pretty uneventful from there but I started wondering, What is so wrong with seeking help.

When your car makes a noise you take it to the shop, if you feel a pain in your leg you see the doctor, so why is there such a sense of weakness associated with seeking emotional help? There are people in the world suffering in silence. They do not understand that their extreme fear of crowds, increased heart rate, and sense of panic is not uncommon. They think that they are the only ones who have these experiences because they are too afraid to share. To afraid of what others will say about them. This could lead into a whole self esteem post but that is for another day....

What I want you to take from this post is it IS OK to seek help. If you are somebody who does not need help that is great be thankful for your strength and resiliency but DO NOT make others feel bad for having enough courage to see a professional.... That is why we went to school all this time...

Happy Wednesday give yourself a hug and be well!!!!

Wellness Wednesday- Depression

Its WEDNESDAY!!! Which means we are that much closer to Friday. For the second addition of wellness Wedneday I decided to talk about depression.Depression is very common in males and females. However as progressive as society is there is still a stigmatism related to mental illness and a lot of those inflicted with depression tend to suffer alone, in silence. Those who are unfamiliar with depression or have never experienced do not understand why their friend or loved one cannot seem to “get over it…move on…cheer up.” It is hard to understand why some people struggle in dealing with daily life stressors. Clinical depression is much more than “feeling down.” It is a chemical imbalance that has to do with hormones. The clinical definition found in the Diagnostic Statiscal Manual of Mental Disorders or DSM is as follows:



 



 

 

 

A.   Five or more of the following symptoms have been present during the same 2 week period and represent a change from previous functioning: at least 1 of the symptoms of depressed mood or loss of interest.

1. Depressed mood.

2. Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all or almost all activities.

3. Significant (>5% body weight) weight loss or gain, or increase or decrease in appetite.

      4. Insomnia or hypersomnia.

5. Psychomotor agitation or retardation.

6. Fatigue or loss of energy.

7. Feelings of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt.

                    8. Diminished concentration or indecisiveness.

       9. Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide.

B. the symptoms do not meet criteria for a mixed episode

C. The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning.

D. The symptoms are NOT cause by medical conditions or substance abuse

E. the symptoms are not better accounted for Bereavement, the symptoms persist for longer than 2 months or are characterized by marked functional impairment, morbid preoccupation with worthlessness suicidal ideation, psychotic symptoms, or psychomotor retardation

 

 

What this means is when you are bummed about a test, that extra pound on the scale, or whatever it is. You are NOT clinically depressed. It is important to note that the symptoms have to be occurring at the same two week time frame. For example of you are having an increase in appetite then 3 weeks later your appetite is back to normal but you are now sad (probably because of the weight gain) you are not depressed. Depression is very over diagnosed in some instances and under diagnosed in others.

It is over diagnosed as some people enter the clinic crying and naming all the symptoms and they clinician does not ask has there been any major change (death, loss of job etc). If there has been a major change and there were no symptoms prior then it is NOT clinical depression.

In other instances a person may have the symptoms and be the definition of depression but die to pride, cultural issues, lack of knowledge and many other reasons they never enter the clinic.

After reading this post you are NOT a professional. DO NOT try to self diagnose. However if this hits home for you or someone you know seek help within your community. Mental illness is serious and should not be taken lightly. There is nothing to be ashamed of if you feel depressed and struggle through daily life. There is no weakness in admitting that you need help. It is just the opposite, seeking out help when you need it shows that you are strong.

 

 

Wellness Wednesday and a guest post!!!!

As you all know I recently started Wellness Wednesday. For this slot I am featuring mental health topics and related issues as I feel they are underrepresented. For today's post the amazingVeronica of V Watts thoughts has agreed to guest post and share her story of bulimia. Please read and then head over to her blog. She is an amazing mommy, wife, and like most of us on the weight loss journey!!!

Here's the story...
My husband has now had six and a half years of recovery while I have four and a half years. He actually co-owns and runs a sober living community for men. I can tell his story in a nutshell. He began using drugs and alcohol at the age of 14. It was a rough road. He got sent to jail a few times. One of the last times was for possession of cocaine. He got into a program called Drug Court. This program was long and very strict. This is where he began his road to recovery. He had one month of recovery under his belt when I re-met him.I knew Cole from a class we had together in college. He began working with me a restaurant. I thought his one month of recovery was uh-mazing! Seeing as to how I was still dealing with bulimia at the time. Well, God is good and Cole threw himself into recovery and did all that was necessary to get himself back to good. It's been 6.5years and he's still going strong.

My story..
I became bulimic at the age of 21. This is much later than most girls or boys develop it. In order to understand why, it will take going back even further into my past. At the age of 6 I was molested by a young neighbor friend. This of course led to all sorts of complexes, irrational body image issues, etc. I was an overweight child and young adult. I topped the scales at 220lbs. I began working out and eating better as a senior in high school. By the time I was 20yrs old I was 160lbs. Things were going great, health wise anyway.
I never felt like I was losing control of the weight loss process. It wasn't until I began dating that, mentally, something changed for me. The only way I can explain this change of how I viewed and felt about my body is the fact that when I began dating I realized that people were taking notice of the way I looked. My parents did not allow me to date when I was in high school. I was 20 years old when I had my first boyfriend. And although the most we ever did was makeout I think that the realization that people(guys) were taking notice of my body sent me into weight loss overdrive. It was such a double edge sword. On the one hand(like most women) I wanted to be found attractive. On the other hand I hated attention towards my body. This is where alot of the mental struggle existed. I was tormented by wanting to be thin and when I'd obtain my goal I was not happy with my body for various reasons. When I felt that I was receiving unwanted attention I noticed that I would put on weight. I think subconsciously it was a way to protect myself. If I was overweight then such and such person won't find me attractive and thus won't approach me. Crazy, right?

At first the purging would only happen if I had overeaten a bit. Then as I realized the relief and outlet that it was I began to purposefully overeat(aka binge) in order to purge. The binging and the purging were both enjoyable to me. On top of all of that I began to become obsessed with working out. I was into heavy weight lifting and running. This, too, soon became part of the bulimia. I would workout up to three times a day for hours at a time. I began losing more weight. I got down to 138lb of pure muscle. People would compliment me on my physique and although I always felt like people were lying if they said I looked good, or thinner, or pretty their comments would spur me to further adhere to the bulimia.

My family found out about the bulimia about a year and a half into the addiction. I lived at home but I was extremely good at hiding my binging and purging. As many bulimics do, I was good at seeming perfect and together on the outside while crumbling and dying from within. My family tried to help me. They would beg me to stop. But anyone who has ever dealt with an addict or someone dealing with an eating disorder knows it is not quite that easy.
Fastfoward a few months later to when I met Cole. His recovery absolutely astounded me. I had never known anyone else with an addiction who was in recovery. We began dating and he slowly but surely by his actions began to show me that freedom from an addiction is possible. A good friend of mine also directed me to the therapist that I still see to this day. She specialized in eating disorders. She began to help me realize the core issues behind the bulimia.

A couple of years later, a bout with doctor prescribed weight loss amphetamines caused me to start having some crazy side effects. I went to see a general doc about it. I was always very very honest about the bulimia and such with any physicians I would see. Otherwise, how could they correctly diagnose me? Seeing that particular doctor was a God orchestrated event. He happened to have had a good deal of experience working in an eating disorder clinic. He said that continuing down the path I was taking could leave me dead by 36yrs old! I was 26 at the time. This hit me hard. So did all of the other horrible side effects that he mentioned. I had done plenty of research on my own about all the monstrosities that can occur from bulimia. But somehow that day it just clicked. I walked out of that clinic vowing to get into recovery that day!

I remember the first few days of my recovery. It was a nightmare. I cried all day everyday. It was as if my bestfriend had died. Bulimia had been my go-to-pal! It was there for me whenever the chips were down. I needed bulimia like the air I breathed. Those first few days of recovery I binged and binged. Basically I was subconsciously daring myself to purge. But I didn't. I remember calling Cole and telling him in broken sobs, "I can't do this! I can't be in recovery forever!" And I will never ever ever forget what he told me. He said, "You don't have to." This jolted me. What did he mean I don't have to be in recovery forever? Wasn't that the point of getting into recovery in the first place? He went on, "You don't have to be in recovery forever. Just for today." This was such a relieving and freeing comment. I couldn't do recovery fooorrreeevvverrrr. But I could do it today. And if I couldn't do it all day today I could do it for the next for hours, and if not that then the next few minutes. I could do that! Each day would bring more strength to withstand the desire to return to bulimia. A year later I told my mother that when I look back at my struggle with bulimia it is like I am reading from a book; a book about someone else's life. It is a rare occasion where the strong urge to return to my bulimic days enters my mind. But it is a fleeting thought like taking the next flight to Hawaii would be nice. They are both options but not ones that I would take seriously.

It was a difficult journey and one that never truly ends. I learned a lot about myself and through therapy I began to deal with old issues that played a part spurring the bulimia. In the very grips of my addiction, when I would pray that the Lord would allow me close my eyes at night and just wake up in Heaven, I never thought I would live to see myself living apart from it. I am living proof that recovery is possible! Well, it's been 1623days of living out my recovery one day at a time. I feel extremely blessed to be on this side of addiction. I feel like this is a second chance at living a great life and I am taking full advantage of it!

 

 

 

I would again like to thank Veronica for sharing her story with us!!! No go on and show her some blog love!

Struggles and the Love that Helps Me Make it!!

I'm often asked "why do you blog". There is no short answer. I enjoy the friendships, stalking other blogs, the accountability, but as with my career I want to inspire others! I recently read a blog about a woman suffering with endometriosis and was so touched I thought I should pay if forward and get real with what is happening to my body...

Recently I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarion Syndrome (PCOS). I have been in total denial. Pretending that Im tired from work, my cycle doesnt hurt as bad as it does, the BC pills are working, or the weight gain is all my inner fat girl (who has now eaten my skinny self). when the truth is I am at fighting a WIN-ABLE battle but at a deficit.

The principal features of (PCOS) are anovulation (a cycle with no ovulation), resulting in irregular menstruation, amenorrhea (missing cycles even when not pregnant), ovulation-related infertility, and polycystic ovaries; excessive amounts or effects of androgenic (male) hormones, resulting in acne and hirsutism (basically being extra hairy in places other than the top of my head); and insulin resistance, often associated with obesity, Type 2 diabetes, and high cholesterol levels. The symptoms and severity of the syndrome vary greatly among affected women.- this is from Wiki



My doctor basically told me it is the reason for my bad mood swings. The days I wake up and don't understand my own feelings. It is causing my weight loss to stall as weight gain is a principle feature. Acne, excessive hair, and having cys around my ovaries. Since I do not want any more children he was not very patient and hurried through his explanation even though I waited over an hour to see him. Needless to say I will not see him again *kiss my future insurance checks buh- bye*

So this is my daily struggle. the positive side is that my loving fiance who I was slightly jealous of this morning as he did not have to go to work spent the entire day researching the condition. He has found a list of foods that will aide me in losing weight, a pill that women are taking to help control their weight and other symptoms and he sent this text message "I have been reading all day and every review has been positive. I want you to be happy again and I will do anything to make that happen" Ladies, can we say tears at my desk at work!!!!

This just shows that true love does exist. This man is home sick and could be doing anything he wants but he is trying to help me. I have never had this type of love before and I honestly thought it was for books, TV, and that "perfect couple" (we all know them). Its not though its for every one. I am so blessed to have him