I choose ME!!!!

So I have been thinking about my blog and why I have no readers and others don’t… It used to be depressing as hell. Someone should have left a comment and said CHEER UP! LOL… Anywho originally this was a place to express my heart ache but I am so beyond that now… Ok there will still be occasional love stories and poems but really I need a change. This blog has been a great way for me to express my thoughts and gain clarity… I also have been thinking about my life and personal goals, let me be specific, my superficial goals (I have the others pretty well mapped out) and I want to be thin (I will worry about health later, just being honest) and I want my hair to be the length of a 12inch sew in (roughly a little past bra strap length). So will I make this a hair or weight loss blog? Neither this is a ME blog!!! Besides what would I do with the blog once the journey is complete? LOL So I decided maybe my blog wont have the followers I wish it did, maybe it wont be as funny as “Mama Laughlins” (yall should check this out) or as cool as “Longing for Length” (a great relaxed hair journey blog) but it will be mine and It is whatever I want it to be. (I will be playing around with the template and adding more pictures this weekend though)…However just so you know (in case someone is reading this other than me and LC) the diet and hair thing will come up a lot…

…I might as well post about my epic fail Tuesday night. I took myself to a buffet (well the Mr. took me but you get it)… WHY WHY WHY would I do that? INSANE has to be the only answer. Needless to say I pigged out and then felt bad later. But hey I am not going to dwell on it. I am just being accountable for my actions. So today will be a cleaner eating day… and I may even join WW online. I am ready. It will be hard but I have found friends, and blogs to keep me motivated… Wish me  luck… again LOL

The stranger made me realize it is time for change

Have you ever looked in the mirror and did not recognize the reflection looking back at you? Ok sure it is you because you know a mirror reflects what is in front of it but the reflection was not who you thought you were. I had that moment. Sure those are my eyes, and yes that’s my huge nose but who is this obese woman that is stuffing herself into my clothes? Where did I go… Trust me it is more to it than the weight but lets start there. Today I weigh more than I did when I went into labor seven years ago. What happened? Am I eating everything in sight? Ok enough of that the truth is I’m big the next part is NOW WHAT… It is definitely time for a change…. The other thing that confused me when I looked in the mirror is where I am in life. Clearly I knew I was in my apartment but at almost 30 where is my house?… Yes I have a career and a Master’s degree in the field that I chose but there are people with GEDs that gross more a year than I do (where they doin that at? *in my best hood voice*) On the one hand I am working toward licensure and getting my supervision for free but dam why must I be so poor while I live out my life’s dream. Is this still my dream (ok that was dramatic yes it still my dream) …. NOW WHAT… Lets start with the money- I have enlisted the help of a financial planner and have considered my options for employment and thus far I am on point. There is no more spending money frivolously on things that I do not need, instead I am saving my money. According to what I’ve read you should have 6 months worth of your bills and living expenses in the bank. I definitely do not have that so ummm time to do better…. Also I am back in school so that once I am licensed I will have my niche (working with the criminals and addicts, and surprisingly in the right states at the right jobs I could be doing much better than I am now)… Ok about this fat woman who has eaten the skinny me alive and continued to eat everything else in sight… I have emptied out my cabinets and fridge of all the junk and thunder thighs in a bag that I was shoving in my mouth and will be replacing it (according to my budget) with fruits, lean meats, yougurt, meal replacements, and bagged veggies. Also with the help of my gym membership (YMCA) and pintrest I have enough in home and in gym workouts to start losing weight. I will be adding my before pictures meal plan and workouts as they develop (I also have asked for help on spicing up my blog). Right now I am just winging it based on what I have read and other blogs I have seen. (hey I’m a therapist not a nutritionist or trainer) I do know that there will be NO shortcuts, miracle pills, or lies, but there will be sweat and anger. Yea I said it anger you know why? Because I loooove food and surprisingly enough the food I love the most is the worst for you (potatoes, cake, Burger KING). I just have to ask myself which do I love more the food or the stranger staring at me in the mirror. So here I am naked and surprisingly a bit ashamed. Good thing for me I know that shame can often be the gateway to change (yes I tell my clients that often)….So follow me on my journey to change…. READY, SET, HERE I GO

*smiles, and pulls out a bottle of water*