Tell the Truth Tuesday

Tell the Truth Tuesday!!!! This idea came from the Mr. and originally thought I would be silly and say the things we are all thinking but not saying (we don’t care about Kim and Kayne’s baby, your co worker is driving you crazy) but then I decided I needed to write about my feelings and tell the truth.

If you have been reading my blog for any period of time you know that I struggle with my weight. I mean struggle struggle like tears are shed sometimes. For a while I could not understand what I was doing wrong. Then I was diagnosed with PCOS. Ugh another recipe for disaster since one of the side effects is weight gain. AAANNND Im getting married in November. Needless to say I am on a weight loss journey.

I say journey because this process has not been linear. It has not been all roses and sun shine. Some weeks I love the scale other weeks I think she is a she devil in a plot against me. Now I will admit my eating is not always the best and you cant out run a bad diet. My weight has gone up and down and toggled between numbers and then BOOM I hit ONEDERLAND.

Well I don’t know if I got cocky, or satisfied that my fat girl jeans fit again but I became lax and started falling into old behaviors. I am human and this is a daily battle for me. If you are one of the ones that eat clean with no worries KUDOS to you. I however love fried chicken and potatoes.  With my bruised bone and edema working out is a no because I'm on crutches. So I have to be very careful about what I eat.

In the mean time I did it… got on that wretched scale…and guess what? No more onederland. I weighed in at 200 and almost had a come apart. Then I decided hold on Toya you have still managed to keep off 20 pounds. Reel in these emotions and this eating. Truly I think my lowest was 196 so that’s a four pound gain and while on some level it is bad, its not the worst or unexpected. I have had weeks where I ate whatever I wanted and downed mixed drinks like I was back in my undergrad days. So four pounds ehhh I guess it will be ok this one time.

However it is not acceptable to continue this behavior especially since I’m down at least 2 more weeks. I have been taking advice from a dear person in my life and hitting the sauna. I have been throwing a pity party when really I know better. Pity party leads to emotional eating and oh hell no!!!! So instead of continuing to feel bad about these four pounds I will celebrate the 20 I have lost and kept off. 

On this journey I know I will be derailed but I WILL NOT give up. I will fight to get to goal weight and lose at least 50 more pounds. I may not reach this goal by the wedding but I will NOT be 220.

There is my truth and since we all love a good before and after shot here you go…

Monday this week, and summer sometime in 2012