Monday and its March!!!!

I know, I know, Im such a bad blogger. Thats why you need to follow me on Instagram LOL!!! Well if you haven't figured it out by now when Im not blogging Im probably not working out much either. This has been true until recently when I hit rock bottom.

To sum it up I found myself angry at other's transformation pictures. Generally Im not a hater but I was really pissed. Which then lead to me being mad at me. Who am I to hate on someone who is working their but off...literally. I was so disgusted with myself I joined a gym despite having ended the previous membership to "save money" I decided it was needed to save me!!

If you all dont know Val get to know her. She is doing a weekly motivational, accountability email thing that is very helpful. I will be honest and say in Janurary I read the emails every Sunday got all motivated and by Tuesday was eating crap. However in Feburary I started to take them seriously, and lost 5 pounds. If I want my own transformation story I have to earn it. SO here I am... AGAIN recommitting.

This will not be easy but to stop feeling stuffed in my clothes I will do this. I will be taking measurements this time as I have learned that the scale does NOT account for inches lost. I have started March off with a bang and hope you have too!!!

I had to get the hubby involved because its easier when you have support

this was my first official day back on the wagon... it was rough

What keeps you motivated?

So where have you been???!!!

Well hello there!!! Some of you may be wondering where this girl has been (or maybe I am hoping you have been wondering these things LOL). Either way IM BAAACCKK!!!... So where do I start. I made a major life decision and left the counseling world (only while I make this money and regain my sanity). Working for a community mental health center that is also a non profit comes with a host of issues that I will not fully go into because we want this post to remain upbeat. I have entered the administrative world LOL. I am now a Homeless Outreach Coordinator! That’s right folks I got a little power LOL. I have no idea what my job entails right now and I’m not really sure if my boss does either but eh he has been nice and for the pay raise I will make it work!

Excuse my need of a fill in LOL

I have been cleared to work out again and will be returning to the gym on Monday sporting this nice bag I ordered from House of Bachelorette (review post coming soon)!!!

I know you are thinking why wait to go back to the gym since all I have been saying is how much I miss the gym but my old job requires a 20 working day, let’s call it what it is a month’s notice. In order to get my PTO pay out and let me tell you it is definitely worth working both jobs this week. I have been there almost 3 years and accruing leave since day one. SO I have two jobs this week. I’m working the new gig, and hitting the old one after hours. Tired much!!!

I saw my mommy in law this weekend. I adore this woman. She is my own personal angel!!! I also convinced the Mr’s cousin to play the piano at our wedding! #SCORE!!!!!!!

My weight I’m sure is off the chain. I have been feeling a little pudgy  and my engagement ring is no longer slip sliding on my finger but honestly I am not fooling with that scale until Monday and from there it will be a Monday ONLY type thing!!!

MRI RESULTS and MISERY

Im down for 3 weeks...I will not be defeated. THIS WILL NOT BEAT ME!!! This is what I have been telling myself all day since leaving the doctor... The doctor said that I have bone bruising and and edema. So basically I was doing waaaay too much for my body and it got mad.

 

I have fought hard to lose these 20 plus pounds and KEEP IT OFF, and trust it has not been easy. I have yo-yoed around, gone up and down like a roller coaster If you read my post yesterday then you know I have been having pain in my hip/groin area. So I went back to the doctor for the results of my MRI and I felt like I was in the twilight zone...

Ok I know your thinking this chic is dramatic but I'm 28 and I've never broken a bone, had crutches, sprain an ankle (except when I fell in step class and I didn't go to the doctor I just kept it moving)or anything of the such. So yes after getting the news that I am on crutches for three weeks I have been dramatic. I dont even know how to use them. whats even sadder is I have adjusted to the pain so I dont think I need the crutches. But I will be using them because I dont wanna do more damage.

Oh and since Im venting online.... the spots I saw were in fact cycsts.... The paper says that in the  "correct clinical setting" I would be diagnosed with PCOS (which I already have been and you can read about here).
 

 

 

X-rays, MRI, oh and its MONDAY!!!!

Well Monday definitely kicked my ass today. Let’s see I woke up at 7:48 I’m supposed to be at work at 8 and on a good day I leave my house at 7:15 on a regular day I leave at 7:25 so yea I was late. Then I had to cancel some clients because I had to get to the doctor… 

Oh yea I haven’t shared on here yet. So I recently (about 1 month ago) decided my goal was to workout 6 days a week. The week I started that I began to feel an intense pain in my… uh… *looking for a technical term*… hell its Monday… panty line area. The way I describe it is where my leg connects to my body. I have heard the professionals call it my hip, and groin. So I get to the doctor they do the second X-ray (I had one last Tuesday after I couldn't walk) and she talks, pokes, prods, and says it sounds “like a tear but I need to see what’s going on in there.” 

Unfortunately these X-rays only reminded me that I have PCOS, because yes I'm a doctor and can read the scans so I know exactly what I am looking at... Ummmm NOOOO I saw dots and spots that looked like cyst in my pelvic region and I'm of course freaking out thinking wow its more than when I had the ultra sound (they totally may not be cysts), and  oh yea I need to find a new OBGYN or go see the one that was slic rude. That's another post...

So then I’m sent for a same day MRI (because lets be real I cant keep taking off work, I need that PTO for the wedding and my mental health days LOL). This was the first MRI I have ever had. Let me tell you baby that small tube, coffin like, loud ass machine is not my friend. The guy who did the MRI was nice, smelled like man cologne, yes I said man cologne my daughter started that and that’s a completely different post.

Before and after the MRI... Maybe I should have brushed my hair LOL

BUT HE LIED just like a man. LOL. He told me my head would be in one spot then the machine pushes me further into the coffin like thing that is the MRI machine. A minor freak out occurred then I reminded myself that I’m a therapist and to breathe deeply and imagine myself in a safe place…. 

Now since I have been injured I have not worked out in a week. This has lead to some depression, feeling like goal weight will never occur and downright sad Sally type thinking. Do I know this is wrong? Do I know this will pass? Do I know that running is not the only way to lose weight? Yes to all. BUT I have developed a relationship with running and Im not sure I want to give it up. Since I have been running I can see some really good results. 

However I will be real, sad Sally is a TWIN to Fat Toya and we have been EATING AND DRINKING everything in sight. Nope I have not been on the scale I don’t even want to know. 

Here is what I do know engagement pictures are scheduled for June 8. I have been working my budget so that everything I wear for this shoot will be new except maybe my shoes (only because I have no more room for shoes and I have some I’m dying to have photographed). I WANT A SMALLER SIZE DAMNIT!!!!!! So you know what that means...Drinking water like I’m being paid, no alcohol except on weekends, cardio 6 days a week even if it’s the elliptical and no running, and very little if any carbs. I have to get back to what works for me… Hell the last time I did this I lost 7 pounds in one week. You think that would be enough to make me stick with it...This is a journey and I will take it day to day. 

Hello my name is Toya and I’m an emotional eater…

Monday Management- Biggest Loser

Its Monday and since I was off today I am on a FANTASTIC mood!!! Let me say that I have been hella productive today. *thinks that I want to be a SAHM ok back to my reality* I tip my hat to you ladies because I have heard "mom" 10000000 times today and Im in no hurry to keep hearing it. JUDGE ME!!!! LOL We are moving and I have packed my lil ole apartment up in almost one day. Only thing out are essential DVDS, hygiene stuff, and that dam kitchen is taunting me, I never knew how much I stuff I had until I tried to pack it up... Here is a little sneak peak at my boxes because Im sure looking at boxes is fascinating LOL

Ok let me get to the real reason you all are here. The Biggest Loser link up... 

Well *drum roll* I AM IN ONEDERLAND!!!!!!!!! Ladies with tears in my eyes as I saw this I said "Babe I need my phone I gotta take a picture for my blog"- He is used to this by now but when he saw my face he was concerned. SOOOOO I hopped back on and we saw this:

This brings my stats to- SW 220

             CW 197

GW- Im thinking 150

Total lost -23 pounds

Total lost in challenge- 14 pounds!!!!!!!

While this is very exciting I see no change in my body when I look in the mirror. Recently my fiance told me that my self proclaimed "sexy big girl pants" were too big and I though SMH these fit.... ummm Lets see how wrong I was...

 

Yep I have both my arms in my pants

 

Being silly

I posted these pictures on Instagram but looking at them now.... Speechless. Ok I'm no idiot I recognize that 20 plus pounds is a lot but honestly when I look in the mirror I see the old Toya with the 20 plus pounds. I only see the work that needs to be done. So its important to revel in the progress or it will get discouraging. Always remember that one pound loss per week will eventually add up. Who would have thought I would be down 14 pounds since Jan 1, 2013? Not me. But I am.... What works FOR ME: WATER WATER WATER and I am no water fan but when I guzzle it to the point that I think I will float away the scale gods smile on me. Low carb, I have PCOS and my body craves potatoes like it is heroin but I know that it will only allow the scale to go UP no matter what time of day. I use meal replacement shakes. I know there is often controversy behind this and the amount of calories and needing more calories but this is what works for me. Also WORKING OUT. I DO NOT have the body type that can simply eat right and there will be a lost I have tried that. Been to the weight watchers meetings paid the money and counted the points. While I do think they are on to something with the points I just have to exercise to see results. I have to move my ass!!!!.... And because he is my best friend, my support, my shoulder to cry on, my love, my babys new daddy LOL, my ROCK I thought Id leave you with this silly picture!!!

 

 



We were on our way to church my mom said hey let me get a picture and this is what she got... not planned I promise! LOL

Biggest Loser week 3!!!!!

 

 

Monday already!!! I need a snow day or a hey you don’t have to come to work Monday free card LOL!!  Happy Martin Luther King Jr DAY!!!!! Woot woot... since I am procrastinator I did not take my floating holiday early enough to get today off so I'm at work. Blah... Anywho I was terrible this past week I only worked out twice (this does not include doing squats daily) the only thing I was consistent on this week was the squat challenge and increasing my water intake. So when I got on the scale I had to be proud of myself I was -1.... I am convinced I lost my one pound in here: my daughters room, and how she left it before going out of town... but the joke is on her because when I clean I like to feel accomplished and THROW CRAP AWAY!!!!! *evil laugh*



Notice the trash bag... I went on a rampage

 

 

Some child is going to be very happy. It wont be mine but hey we cant always have it our way LOL  I had 2 bags to be donated, and 1 bag for trash!!!!

 

That cardboard is Z world that she built so I couldn't let it go

 

 

 

 

 

Now if I could only get the rest of my house in order... Oh well one battle at a time. Here are my stats:

 



 

 

Last week weight- 205

This week weight 204

Pounds lost this week- 1

Total pounds since challenge started 7

 

 

 

I am so stepping it up this week. I mean come on I am sooo sick of looking at a 2 on the scale. This means adding 30 day shred to my regimen, and actually getting back on program! I know I have to move this body to see any real loss. Im excited to get back in the gym... Dare I say it, I almost missed the place.... well almost....

Biggest Loser Week 2

 

Ok ladies let me get right down to what you want to know. I only lost one pound this week. Im going to say because I lost so much the previous week. I dont know I was consistent with my work outs, and I ate healthy with only one cheat meal (I cant do cheat days they cause too much damage). I think what killed me is my water intake. I have got to drink more water. I have a cup that I know I need to drink and refill 4 times for the best benefit but 3 times is a minimum and I struggle with it. I need to just open up and shove it in (thats what he said) I guess.... In other news Monday has not been good to us. The fiance is in the ER and work has been a beast. I will have to update you all tomorrow for further news... Have a great week hope you all did well.

 

Last week weight- 206

This week weight 205

Pounds lost thuis week- 1

Total pounds since challenge started 6

Monday and we have a DATE!!!!!

Welcome back!!!! LOL just kidding I'm the one that has been gone... ITS MONDAY!!!! So honestly it was tie between Mr. Monday and I. Work was ok, the scale gods were merciful, and work was uneventful for the most part. So lets see what have I been up to aside from sucking at my goals... Oh yea I HAVE A WEDDING DATE!!! The ceremony and reception venues have been booked and I will be married on November 30, 2013. *pops it and drops it like its hot, and flips my hair* ok Im back!!! LOL... So ready for some randomness and updates sure you are that's why you are still reading, oh and WELCOME to my new followers!!!

I woke up a little late and this was breakfast!

May just make this breakfast so I will be sure to have something

So yes I slipped up and had one of these the other days... I should have just gone for liquor because this thing while delicious is FULL of sugar!!!

December 1 was mini me's birthday. We had a small family thing and it went well! I am obsessed with We love princess Tiana so I had to have this cake that's the cake we chose! 

Recently we looked at old pictures and she saw her first birthday and decided she wanted to recreate the look!... Im on a never ending diet so I said go for it!!!

8 years ago God saw fit to send me an Angel!!! Love this Diva

I became lazy and just stopped trying the holidays and traveling for the wedding got in my way and I didn't exercise as much but, I managed to control my eating and make healthy choices so my weight did not go up! the one pound I did gain left. I guess all the water drinking does work! Here are some meals I took pictures of...

My fiance makes the best Salmon ever!!!!

Lunch was catered at work one day

12.45 mile! the time is slowing going down!!!

Today I worked out and was in a grove and at 9 minutes I had completed .77 of a mile and because I'm huge, run weird and was trying to stay focused and keep running then I hit the emergency stop and my information was lost. I was SOOOOO pissed and I'm sure I could have beat my time. Oh well that is just motivation for tomorrow!!! 

So how have you all been since I been gone? How was your holiday?

Goal Setting Time!!!!!!

So my long time and new readers know I am desperately trying to lose weight. So after some inspiration from SUSAN to “add on the miles” I have decided I will track my miles per week which I have never done before. I have also decided to continue to take group exercise classes whenever possible because I am embarrassed to stop before the class is over LOL. This way I am sure to get the full 30-60 min of the class plus my miles. So starting Monday (it feels good to say that and know that I have been working out and not binge eating) here are my new goals:

 

• Complete a total of 25 miles per week (Monday- Sunday) with at least 10 of those miles done on the treadmill… (I have a new thing where I ride the bike when I am tired and while I want to count those miles I also need to be getting my walk/jog/run on)
• Shave a whole two minutes off my mile time by December 1, 2012
• Work out at least 6 days per week for at least 45 minutes at a time
• Dedicate 15 minutes per day to my LPC test (more once registered)
• Blog at least twice a week with one of the blogs being an update on these and possibly other goals

Now what is goal setting without REWARDS!!!!!! SO I have given myself little rewards along the way. I am definitely working class so I had to space these goals out! LOL… here they are:

• Lose 15 pounds- buy some one new cute gym outfit (as of today I am 8 pounds down from my unbelievably high tear jerking start weight)
• Lose 25 pounds- buy new gym shoes pumps from Bakers with the bag to match
• Lose 40 pounds- go wedding dress shopping and not cry in the dressing room – (that’s a different post) PLEASE LET THIS HAPPEN BY MARCH!!!!
• Lose 65 pounds- Hello old body, new wardrobe and most importantly- WALK DOWN THE ISLE FULL OF CONFIDENCE IN A MERMAID/ FIT AND FLARE DRESS AND MARRY MY BEST FRIEND!!!!

Looking at these numbers it seems so hard. But what is harder is not being able to come out of the dressing room because you are ashamed and on the verge of tears, being winded from tying your shoe, changing clothes 1000 times every morning looking for something that doesn’t make me look sooo big, and constantly pulling on my shirt to hide the rolls that everyone can see and in my mind are staring at…. So I think going to the gym and popping in a workout DVD when I can’t make it will be just fine!

Thinking my poooor hair... smh

Turbo Jam Cardio Party 3... it won today... I tried to stay "high tempo" the whole tape...

Oh yea does anyone know how to add one of those mile trackers to your blog?...

Its a new week!!!!!!

Let me start by saying GO VOTE!!!!!!... this is not a political blog so I don't care you who vote for but OBAMA is Amazing!!!!!!

Hello out there! Here we are on a Tuesday and I am doing my Monday post so I know you are thinking Monday won this week. Buuuuuuuut that's not true. It was a definite tie LOL. It was my first day back at work and that went ok.... A bunch of clients did not show so I did some paperwork. I had two OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) clients so I scattered my desk intentionally.... Cruel huh? NOOOO its to help with the compulsions LOL.

Me wanting to be at home LOL

My desk... Drives them and sometimes me crazy!!!!!

So I stayed at work later than usual which tears my schedule up because of traffic and getting mini me and blah blah so I did not make it to the gym. No worries though Chalene is always there!!!! I did Turbo Jam even though I really did NOT want to. She can be a bit cheesy when you really don't want to work out... "Now pump it" LOL... Its all good because I sweated and I was moving which is always the goal....

Cardio Party 3... and look who made an appearance  "Ms. Bling" lol

Me before I pressed play

Those are me after the workout... I tried to smile and look all happy because too often my workout pictures look like I want to do bodily harm to someone LOL. Working out is fun, or at least that is what I am telling myself!!!!

 The family and I went to Chattanooga for the weekend and here are some pictures...

I dont think Babe enjoyed my impromptu photo session while he was driving LOL

Thats better babe!

My mini Me!!!! Love her

Just so you can understand my hair struggle here is a before and after. I washed my hair and blow dried it then flat ironed it. I have to do this at least twice a week, and more when I am working out daily or I am forced into a pony tail.... The struggle is real!!!!

So as far as my mini goals... I sucked at water intake, and over indulged on Chic-fil-a at work on Monday but I worked out, and spent 15 minutes studying for the big test!

How have you guys been? Whats new?

*sips tea and thinks about doing homework* LOL