Can We Ever Have It All?!

When speaking with a good friend of mine of course men came up and after the talk I was stuck with the question "Can you really have it all."

Ok back story: She is a woman who loves verbal validation. In previous relationships her partners excelled at this. Currently her mate is less verbal but is Mr. Action. Real action, that some women would die for. For example she was working all day and hadn't eaten. He did not say or ask her anything he simply showed up with food. When speaking about her signing her daughter up for sports he immediately asked about cost and wanted to help financially (single mother's dream statement!!!). So whats the problem? She needs the verbal.

This lead to me thinking about life in general. It seems we are always striving for or wanting what we do not have. When we work we want to be at home, When at home we yearn for the office. We believe we are either too fat, or too thin never just right. Single people want to be married and married people want to be single (in some cases).Its like a constant stage of wanting and never being satisfied. Let me be clear I am NOT advocating that we all become complacent just noting how we are never satisfied. DO we ever get it all?

So it lead me to this thought: We need to step out of outside of our Disney brainwashing (yep I am Disney victim lover as well) and get real. Birds don't sing to us, no one has locked us away in a tower (even though some days I wish I was), and having it all 100% of the time is NOT realistic. No man, job, weight loss plan, or anything else will ever be 100 percent perfect. Nope we can never truly have it all because when you give something your all something else inevitably does not get all of your attention. Think about it, when you are on point at work your home life is probably lacking, and there is laundry and dishes that need to be done, or your having a severe case of mommy guilt feeling as if you don't spend enough time with your children.

So what does that mean? We should give up and stop trying? Hell no it means we strive harder, dream bigger, and ADJUST our expectations. Just so we are all clear adjust does NOT mean lower. That means if you are like me and enjoy someone bringing you food more than you do someone telling you how great you are recognize having both in the same man is probably not happening.

Let me drive it home. If your man is spoiling you with his words take a closer look into his actions, those words could be covering up for the lack of real action.  Usually men who are action prone do not have time to spoil you with words.

So I guess my point is decide what you can handle. Would you rather have a mate who takes out the trash, and does other acts of service or tell you how great you are. I believe sometimes we as women wrap our worth up into the man in our lives. While compliments are great knowing its winter and the garbage is out, or the light bill is paid, is wonderful as well.

Since we cannot have it all it all comes down to what we want the most. Whats more important to you actions or words...

Baby Bump Update 38 Weeks!!!

How I'm feeling: I am excited because this will be my last baby bump update. I am very tired ALL THE TIME!!!

How I'm changing: I am super full all the time. My skin is very itchy. I itch all the time. All it takes is one strand of hair or piece of lint and my whole body itches. Also I sweat EVERYWHERE now...

What I’m Eating/What I’m Not Eating: Contrary to popular belief pregnant women do not sit around and eat all day, there is no room. I get heart burn from water. They tell you to eat and not lie down for 30 minutes. It is more like 2-3 hours for me. Seriously one meal will have me full all day, I eat because I know there is a little human that is relying on me to feed him.

Total Weight Gained: Currently I am 240 for a total weight gain of 17 pounds!!!! I am so happy with this gain. It is not like I was thin before hand so I would be lying if I said weight wasn't a factor for me. Stay tuned for the weight loss story and the snap back LOL. For now I am just enjoying the "glow"

Sleep: Same ole Same ole. Once I'm sleep its all good. It is just finding my zone.

Most Exciting Moment: Having an induction date!!! I have also enjoyed bonding with my husband during this time. We developed a birth plan, and have been taking daily walks to help with labor and just talk.

Fun Fact: Jaden weighs 7 pounds!!!!

What I Packed in My Hospital Bag

You guys do know that mini me is almost ten right? So packing a baby bag, and a hospital bag is all foreign territory for me. So I did what any sane mom would do and I searched Pinterest (how did we ever survive without it). Honey there are list on top of list on top more list. It can be quite overwhelming. So here are links to a few of my faves here, here, here, of and here. If those don't give you enough options check out my baby board here.

Personally I either over pack or under pack I can never seem to get it just right. I have usually gone with over packing but eh its the hospital I am bringing home new life I would rather not be bogged down (read: force my hubby to carry more than needed). I decided on the bare minimums. The hospital gave me a list of what they will have including  diapers, wipes, granny mesh panties with pads, blah blah. Plus I wanted room in my bag to take all the goodies, read free stuff, that my insurance has already paid for (diapers, wipes, nasal bulb, alcohol pads).

So here is what I decided to take with me to have baby Jaden.

Toiletries (duh) are a must. I am also taking my own wash cloth because  have heard the hospital's are thin and hard. Also I just feel better about my own wash cloth being on all my body parts. If your like me and need eye wear be sure to pack both contacts and glasses because you never know what is going to happen.

Not pictured: robe, lots of hair ties, cell phone and charger, gowns, snacks, and mints, change for vending machine, undies, and a nursing pillow, a book, and laptop (the hospital has WIFI)

Side note I am fortunate and the hospital is like 10 minutes away. I am packing super light because I know I can send hubby back out for what I may have forgotten... Also I am doing a separate post on what I am packing for the baby.

What did you pack? Am I missing any essentials???

Baby Bump update 34 weeks!!!

Hello out there! Check my foot work lol! If I could stay in these house shoes and not get dirty looks I promise I would! Time for the update...

 


How I'm feeling: I am going to be totally honest and say I'm feeling over it. I'm super ready to meet this baby I am so in love with. Also lets be real I am heavy, have heart burn, tired, unable to recall anything, and I AM BEYOND OVER the doctor visits, and the finger sticking. Before any super moms get in an uproar I am well aware that at this tme the baby needs to bake a little longer I am simply expressing how I feel as I type this...

How I'm changing: I am extremely irritable lately, my body is the same spreading like hot butter. Also my skin is super hot. My daughter told me the  other day I had a fever after she touched me lol.

What I’m Eating/What I’m Not Eating: I really wish I had some more pickles from St Louis (hubby hometown). I am not sure what Kim Lomax (sorry no link as of yet) is doing to these pickles but the flavors are amazing. She has "sweet hot", "spicy garlic" and other AMAZING flavors.

Total Weight Gained: My 34 week weight is 236. This is a total gained of 13 pounds and a 6 pound loss from my highest pregnancy weight. I have mixed emotions about it. I told myself when I got pregnant that I did not want to go over 250 (my goal weight is 150- losing 100 pounds is very intimidating). Then they told me my baby was weighing in small and my vanity went out the window. So again I'm excited  have only gained 13 pounds but concerned about a 6 pound loss... maybe its from being cautious about these sugar levels.

Sleep: Once I get to sleep its great (for me not my husband who says I am snoring extremely loud), the problem is getting to sleep. I have tons of pillows and struggle with heartburn so getting to a comfortable position is not always easy.

Most Exciting Moment: Getting the stroller car seat travel system I wanted!
Fun Fact: I am dilated 2cm... this could mean everything and nothing lol that is what makes it fun!

6 Practical Reasons Marriage is Awesome!!

Married life definitely comes with ups and downs but I must say there are some things that you appreciate so much more if you are married. As I was thinking about some of the things my hubby and I have been through lately I came up with this fun list of things that makes marriage awesome.

1. Slumber parties with your best friend every night. I love getting into bed and just looking at him and being able to say ANYTHING and it is ok! Trust what happens on this blog (as real as I keep it)  is edited and I use my filter. After about 7pm the filter is broken and my husband listens to me and my thoughts with little to no judgement. I'm sure some nights he is like who did I marry again

2. The sex somehow gets better. Sex is also very important to taking care of your man.. Marinate on that!

      

3. You have a guaranteed partner in crime (spousal privilege lol). No seriously your spouse will go to the chick flick with you and you in turn will go to the sporting events. No matter what it is you no longer have to go through this life alone.

4.  No more weddings alone! For me especially this means I no longer feel obligated to dance to Single Ladies while twerking extra hard and plastering on a huge smile.

hubby was recently a groomsmen and when Beyonce single ladies was played I was all to happy to stay seated

5. So I am just going to say it. No matter how much you make two incomes is just better than one. Sure I had my own money and career and such prior to November 30, 2013 but having his is a bonus!

6. My husband is taller and stronger than me and I LOVE it! So when something is out of reach there is no more climbing on counters or searching for a step stool I simply ask him. Same for opening jars, and other things I struggle with!

Baby Bump Update 32 weeks!

Wow time is really flying by. I am 32 weeks at this point! This lovely maternity outfit is from Khol's (and nope they didn't even pay me to look this cute in their clothes lol!)

How I'm feeling: I am super anxious to meet this little man I have fallen in love with. I'm stressed about my hair lol (I have "gone natural" but that's all for a different post lol). 

How I'm changing: There are more stretch marks popping up because clearly I didn't have enough...
What I’m Eating/What I’m Not Eating: I have been diagnosed with gestational diabetes. This means I don't process sugar well, insulin levels blah blah. I saw this coming though because I was previously diagnosed with PCOS. This means I am no longer giving in to my many cravings and I have become a pin cushion as I prick my dam finger check my sugars 4 times a day.

Total Weight Gained: 239 for a total of 16 pounds

Workouts: If walking up and down the stairs count I'm doing great!

Sleep: This is still a struggle,  I CANNOT get comfortable at night.

Most Exciting Moment: Being told I could email my sugars tot he high risk nutritionist and knowing I can possibly avoid yet another doctor's appointment!

Fun Fact: My baby seems to enjoy music by John Danley (a former co-worker of mine) when I listen to his music the kicks are very constant.

Oh if anyone knows anyone at Khol's have them call me. I make this outfit pop!!! LOL

Five ways to care for your man!!!

So as you all know I got married last November. Well honey let me tell you because no one else will. It is no walk in the park. It is fun but equally trying. Recently I came cross this post about being a better wife. It spoke volumes to my soul this lady said it perfectly for me because being a good wife is something I legit have to work at. It doesn't come naturally to me. I guess I am just wired differently. Please understand I love my husband but its the other stuff that causes me to struggle. 

Later I check my inbox and I see this post again speaking to soul and It made me think, there has to be more than just us struggling with this marriage thing. Why is it so wrong for women to say that they need help being a wife? It doesn't mean there is no love or that there is cheating. It simply means help is needed.

I'm not sure I had a good example of what being good wife is so I did some research by talking to some married friends of mine (like I need a reason to gossip on the phone lol). The number one thing I kept hearing was "you gotta take care of ya man." Well the therapist in me couldn't handle the vague taking care of your man answer. I asked for clarity and here is what they came up with:

SEX- This was the number one answer. Of course I have friends who said that marriage is more than sex, but still the majority said sex

FOOD- Another popular answer was to ensure that there is always dinner or whatever meal your husband may need depending on the shift he works. 

TAKING CARE OF HOME- Another answer I had to dig a little deeper for. This means ensuring the kids are well kept, the house is decent (clean if you stay home), and you have basically filtered out the bullshit that will only increase his load.

BEING SUPPORTIVE-  Encouraging him as the world is tough an men want to and need to know they are doing a good job as the man of the house. This also includes supporting his dreams (even if you feel like being a wife and mom are slowly killing yours because after all you chose this life).

PRAY- So only a few people said this one. I personally think it should be at the top but I am sticking true to what my "married friends" said. This one is a great one. I notice when my hubby and I are praying together daily our relationship is smoother, and things seem to align. As soon as we get too comfortable and slack on the daily prayers together things get rocky.

Photo by Meredith Brown

These things all seem really easy but when you are working and raising children it is easy to fall into a pattern of boring and waiting on Friday. Then Friday comes and you are dog tired and all you can think about is sleep your spouse may go neglected. Then you think Oh we have Saturday but in my case Saturday is packed with youth sports and errands and once again your spouse has gotten the short end of the stick.

All in all marriage is  a hard, winding, two way street that has to be walked if not ran EVERY single day in order to make it work. Hopefully this small list will help some newlywed working mom like it helped me. I am making a genuine effort to do each of these things weekly some are harder than others (that's what she said!!!) just based on weekly incidents but I'm thinking if I do all five in a week he should notice a difference and married life will be a tad easier.

Ok married ladies what are your thoughts??...