Mommy Moment!!!!

I absolutely love being a SOCCER MOM!!!!! It is incredible. I am one of those screamers too... Sorry LOL Ok really Im not... I get really involved in the game and I am sure to cheer for all the kiddos on her team! Just wanted to share some pics of my big girl!!!! She did very well this game too. She is her mother's child though because as she got mad her skills seemed to improve LOL 

On our way out the door

Posed up!!!!

After the game

Lucky Number 7

Ok enjoy your weekend!!!!!

What a Week!!!!!

WOW what a week I had! Monday may have been my bitch but I cannot say the same for the rest of the week. Let me hit the high points!!!...

Mini Me

My baby killed it at soccer practice this week. She was “dribbling and shooting” (IKR they use basketball terms too) all over the place I was very excited. Hopefully she will bring some of that to the game!!!! She also rocked her spelling test so Mommy is very proud.

The J-O-B

I was called to testify is a DCS hearing and ended up feeling as if I were on trial and please believe my child is not deprived!!!! I expected it to be a little brutal but geeesh. It was my first time in a court room since I worked in CPS. I guess I was a little rusty to say the least. Also there was the usual “how does that make you feel” “you are an addict now let’s deal with that” convos that happen but that is nothing new… The major thing is my coworker found brown recluse spiders. Apparently they bite you and you get a huge hole in your skin (that is gross on so many levels). What makes it worse is he was told (according to him) that the building is infected with them and the higher ups will not pay to have the place sprayed. Talk about a hazard. It’s cool because if I survive a bite a pay raise will be the least of their concerns LOL...

There are 3 of them and no those are NOT granddaddy long legs... I searched them on google and compared  them. they are brown recluse

Diet/Exercise

Well I worked out 3 days this week doing the C25K plan for 2 days and a step class 1 day. That is 2 days under my original goal but 1 day more than I usually manage (seeking progress and not perfection). I also joined *drum roll please* Weight Watchers!!!! 

Start up kit that comes with some very helpful information.

One of the things stressed the most (which anyone that has ever dieted knows) is to track everything you eat. The lady even said "You snack it you track it, If it goes in your smacker write it in your tracker). I'm not sure what method of tracking I will use just yet. I am going to try some apps, and of course the old pen and paper but the kit came with these...

They also give you weekly mini magazines that include tips for weight loss, and nice recipes.

I imagine myself singing loudly and off key “If you want it you got it you gotta believe” like J. Hud’s commercial. I am not a talented vocalist, I just play one in the shower. So thus far I am on my way to success in all areas. I saw my true starting weight and almost cried but there is no one blame but me and no one can change it but me. SO here we go.  Wish me luck

Monday Management (Make Monday my Bitch!!!)

So anyone who knows me personally knows that while I am always thankful to see another day I HATE MONDAYS!!!! Ugghh nothing ever goes right for me. It’s like I can’t get right on a Monday morning and then by the time I get into my groove it’s time to go home… Or maybe I am lazy and just don’t want to face work on Monday, it could also be that I am forever starting my diet or new work out schedule on Monday,  either way it’s not my day. I have also noticed that if I don’t work out on Mondays my gym week goes to hell. I cannot seem to pick it up on a Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and HECK no on Friday LOL. So I have decided to make Monday my Bitch!!!! This is a series I will do every Monday in an effort to make Monday more manageable for me… I started today right I had myfitness pal send me my password so that I can begin tracking my food and exercises… again, updated treatment plans, returned voicemails, and completed mid month documentation! GO ME… Then I went to the gym and started for the second time the C25K or couch to 5k program (or at least my modified version of it). Since I used to run (ok jog a little) I started my running intervals at running for two minutes walking for 1.5 minutes... All in all I won and Monday was my bitch!!!!! These post workout pics say different but hey I’m claiming this victory!!!

Why I look like I lost a fight?... Tired LOL

Thats better! love those sunglasses

I definitly have to wash my hair tonight LOL...

Pretend

Lets pretend that we are strangers and make believe that we have never hurt each other. Falling in love all over again only this time lets make it real. Pretend that you love all of me and don’t want to change me. Ill act like your disrespect doesn’t hurt me and pretend you want to change my last name. So I am putting on a strong armor and not being so fragile and you will whisper kind words and act like my strength matters. Lets start over. Lets have a fresh start. Lets live in a land where old hurt doesn’t matter and we are both searching for new love. A life where I’m enough for you because we know you are all I want. A world where my strong passion and desire is not smothering but welcomed because you recognize the strength and depths of my love. Lets pretend.

Its me



I dont know what happened... I have never been skinny but as of now I am bigger then when I went in to give birth to my daughter.... OK maybe I do know what happend. I started eating everything and stopped trying to work out.  Take a look...

Me about 3.5 years ago

This picture is after I lost 20 pounds in one month. It was very hard and Im not sure it was totally healthy (eating only meat and working out two times a day) but the results were so quick.











So the weight starts coming back and I pretend I dont know. I was eating in secret and really acting like an addict and I guess for food I am. I LOVE TO EAT.

Then I turned to no longer taking body pics but really there is only so much you can do to avoid looking big before you realize its not the camera, the clothes didnt shrink, its not your eyes, and it was not your posture. IT IS YOU... or in my case TOYA ITS YOU...  So here is what I decided exercise is not my issue I dont mind it so much its the food. I have a fitness app on my ohone and I am counting calories and adding more fruits and vegetables. I have not seen any resukts but I feel better, and I am no longer as slugissh... While I in no way have my high school body back I am definitly taking baby steps to get there.... wish me luck

*crunches on a baby carrot with no ranch*

I choose ME!!!!

So I have been thinking about my blog and why I have no readers and others don’t… It used to be depressing as hell. Someone should have left a comment and said CHEER UP! LOL… Anywho originally this was a place to express my heart ache but I am so beyond that now… Ok there will still be occasional love stories and poems but really I need a change. This blog has been a great way for me to express my thoughts and gain clarity… I also have been thinking about my life and personal goals, let me be specific, my superficial goals (I have the others pretty well mapped out) and I want to be thin (I will worry about health later, just being honest) and I want my hair to be the length of a 12inch sew in (roughly a little past bra strap length). So will I make this a hair or weight loss blog? Neither this is a ME blog!!! Besides what would I do with the blog once the journey is complete? LOL So I decided maybe my blog wont have the followers I wish it did, maybe it wont be as funny as “Mama Laughlins” (yall should check this out) or as cool as “Longing for Length” (a great relaxed hair journey blog) but it will be mine and It is whatever I want it to be. (I will be playing around with the template and adding more pictures this weekend though)…However just so you know (in case someone is reading this other than me and LC) the diet and hair thing will come up a lot…

…I might as well post about my epic fail Tuesday night. I took myself to a buffet (well the Mr. took me but you get it)… WHY WHY WHY would I do that? INSANE has to be the only answer. Needless to say I pigged out and then felt bad later. But hey I am not going to dwell on it. I am just being accountable for my actions. So today will be a cleaner eating day… and I may even join WW online. I am ready. It will be hard but I have found friends, and blogs to keep me motivated… Wish me  luck… again LOL

The stranger made me realize it is time for change

Have you ever looked in the mirror and did not recognize the reflection looking back at you? Ok sure it is you because you know a mirror reflects what is in front of it but the reflection was not who you thought you were. I had that moment. Sure those are my eyes, and yes that’s my huge nose but who is this obese woman that is stuffing herself into my clothes? Where did I go… Trust me it is more to it than the weight but lets start there. Today I weigh more than I did when I went into labor seven years ago. What happened? Am I eating everything in sight? Ok enough of that the truth is I’m big the next part is NOW WHAT… It is definitely time for a change…. The other thing that confused me when I looked in the mirror is where I am in life. Clearly I knew I was in my apartment but at almost 30 where is my house?… Yes I have a career and a Master’s degree in the field that I chose but there are people with GEDs that gross more a year than I do (where they doin that at? *in my best hood voice*) On the one hand I am working toward licensure and getting my supervision for free but dam why must I be so poor while I live out my life’s dream. Is this still my dream (ok that was dramatic yes it still my dream) …. NOW WHAT… Lets start with the money- I have enlisted the help of a financial planner and have considered my options for employment and thus far I am on point. There is no more spending money frivolously on things that I do not need, instead I am saving my money. According to what I’ve read you should have 6 months worth of your bills and living expenses in the bank. I definitely do not have that so ummm time to do better…. Also I am back in school so that once I am licensed I will have my niche (working with the criminals and addicts, and surprisingly in the right states at the right jobs I could be doing much better than I am now)… Ok about this fat woman who has eaten the skinny me alive and continued to eat everything else in sight… I have emptied out my cabinets and fridge of all the junk and thunder thighs in a bag that I was shoving in my mouth and will be replacing it (according to my budget) with fruits, lean meats, yougurt, meal replacements, and bagged veggies. Also with the help of my gym membership (YMCA) and pintrest I have enough in home and in gym workouts to start losing weight. I will be adding my before pictures meal plan and workouts as they develop (I also have asked for help on spicing up my blog). Right now I am just winging it based on what I have read and other blogs I have seen. (hey I’m a therapist not a nutritionist or trainer) I do know that there will be NO shortcuts, miracle pills, or lies, but there will be sweat and anger. Yea I said it anger you know why? Because I loooove food and surprisingly enough the food I love the most is the worst for you (potatoes, cake, Burger KING). I just have to ask myself which do I love more the food or the stranger staring at me in the mirror. So here I am naked and surprisingly a bit ashamed. Good thing for me I know that shame can often be the gateway to change (yes I tell my clients that often)….So follow me on my journey to change…. READY, SET, HERE I GO

*smiles, and pulls out a bottle of water*