Confessions of THIS stay at home Mom

Usually I would give a disclaimer about how this post is personal and there are exceptions blah blah... well I am on limited time as my precious baby sleeps so as usual take what you need and leave what you dont...

For the last 10 months I have been at home with no job... I had some complications with my pregnancy, moved, moved again, and now have been staying home with my beautiful baby boy. Sounds great right? Well it is most of the time but every now and again it is awful. So I am going to be honest with you about how I feel.

1. I secretly miss work. I know, I know when I was working I dreamed of being a SAHM but now I miss the water cooler convo, putting on clothes, needing coffee, and most importantly the paycheck. Are we humans ever really satisfied? If it makes any difference I did go to school for 6 years for a profession that I love, so yea I miss work sometimes more than others. I am EXTREMELY blessed to be able to stay home but the extras I took for granted are now gone because we have 4 people living on one income.

Me at my old job

I used to keep my desk messy for my OCD clients

2. I don't have as much time as I thought I would. It would seem staying home there would be plenty of time to cook, clean, blog, craft, organize, workout, and still care for your bundle of joy. Or at least that is the idea I had in my mind. I was totally wrong. With baby J not being in daycare my days are a lot less glamorous. They are filled with poop, puke, tears, mad dashes to pick things up from the floor before they go in his mouth, and praying for a nap. I make sure to get my shower daily and even that is a struggle some days but it helps me feel more human and less machine.

3. I don't manage my time wisely. That whole sleep when baby sleeps is my TRUTH on most days. I justify the naps because I am up all night for feedings and more tears. Realistically I should get more done while he is sleep. However showering, and eating at a normal pace take precedent. Lately he has been having fits before each and every nap. I mean full out crying tantrums when he is just sleepy. Poor guy doesn't realize this is the best time of his life he can simply sleep whenever he wants. So by the time he does drift off to sleep I am ready and more than willing to sleep with him.

4. There is always something to do. No matter if I nap with baby or not I can never get it all done. There is always a mess, laundry, cleaning, or something that has to be done. I cant see how taking away me working and adding a little person has managed to create a house that I can never have all the way together at one time.

5. There is still mommy guilt. With my older child I never stayed home. I was 19 and on the grind to create a better life for us. There was all kinds of guilt revolving around working, and leaving her at daycare blah blah. With baby J I am home and still feel guilty. Guilty because I miss work, or cant remember if it has been 2 days or 3 days since we tried the new food, and did I sweep today so he can play on the floor...

The way I see it being a mom is the best worse job I have ever had. I LOVE my babies but I am not a Pinterest mom. I do not always have it all together, although my husband would tell you different. He swears I have all the answers lol. I am glad he feels that way but I secretly know I am just barely holding it together most days.

So moms of the world do NOT feel bad if your life is not exactly like your mother hood, craft Pinterest board. It is ok to cry, and fail as long as you keep trying.Your children do not have any other mom to compare you too so you stop comparing yourself to others. You are awesome for trying every day.

Post Pregnancy Update- 8 weeks

Remember my 38 weeks baby bump update? I looked like this:

Well here I am about 8 weeks out and I look like this:

How I am feeling: TIRED!!!! Jaden has a good night where he only wakes up once or twice followed by a night when he doesn't sleep. Literally one night we were up from 1-4am. I'm working on getting him on a schedule but it is hard because I am a fan of letting sleeping babies lie. When else will I shower and attempt to clean up, and SLEEP.

How I am changing: My skin is very squishy. You know that whole mom pouch thing? Well my body feels that way all over. I know that when I get back to the gym I will definitely have to lift more weights. I find that I am still suffering with mommy brain and cant keep two thoughts in my head most of the time. Or I have too many thoughts at one time. Im sure this will all level out soon.

The baby: He is amazing and if you follow me on Instagram you have seen him. He is already very attached to me (which I love) and I highly attribute to the fact that I am breastfeeding.

Weight: I got on the scale (12/12/14) and I saw 219. Whaaatttt!!!!! Yes people 219! Sure that is still high but my pre-pregnancy weight was 223. Which means I have lost all my baby weight and even managed to drop an additional 4 pounds. Breastfeeding definitely has it perks because I really have not been trying to lose weight. I only got on the scale so I would not have some sort of breakdown be in shock when I went for my 6 weeks check up.

As of 1/1/15 the scale gods smiled on me again I weighed in at 216, which is 7 pounds BELOW my pre pregnancy weight. That leaves me with a high weight loss goal but I can handle it I'm sure. That struggled will be plastered all over this blog soon!

No fun facts or other tidbits this moma is going to bed!!!

Super Woman is a Cartoon- Lets Be Real

Lately I have been having a ton of mixed unexplained emotions. This is to be expected because I had a baby on November 5 sending my emotions on a roller coaster.  I have been having some extreme mommy and wife guilt mixed with mild depression and anxiety that is on steroids. I have been feeling as if I should be doing more despite all that I am doing. Then it hit me whose standards was I using to determine how well I was doing anyway? superwoman?

Photo cred- http://illumistrations.tumblr.com/

 That chick doesn't exist. So in an effort to self soothe and help other women I came up with these 4 things that all new moms and women in general need to remember:

1. Appreciate that you cant do it all all the time. If your feeding the baby (or working on a project for the non moms) then in that moment your not doing anything else. So laundry, dinner, and calling your friend back all have to wait. Don't try to multi task unless you have to while the baby is so young.  You have plenty of time to become a multi tasking master.

2. Accidents happen!- They are inevitable and no one but Jesus is perfect. You will poke your baby in the cheek trying to get that onesie on. You will warm the milk to much and have to wait for it to cool as your baby screams bloody murder. You will use the breast pump and then spill the liquid gold you drained from your sore boob. Learn to laugh and move forward.

3. Do something for you even if it is small- Lets be honest sometimes getting out of bed to shower and make sure you change your pajamas is a whole task especially when you have a new baby and your always tired. However fresh pajamas and combing your hair does wonders for you. You feel a little more human and little less dairy-cow/robot if you keep up on your hygiene.  If you are a makeup lady put some on. For me its singing loudly in the shower and taking my scarf off and combing my hair. Its small but it keeps me sane.

4.Lower the bar.- This does not mean be a loser or be complacent but Pinterest, Facebook, movies and magazines will have you feeling bad because the other moms "have it all together". They craft, cook, organize all while wearing heels and a full face of make up making it look super easy. Well let me just tell you They lied!!!! They put their best foot forward on social media for the likes and other numbers and we all know tv land and magazine world is not real. Half the chicks in the magazine don't even have children that is why they don't have stretch marks.

The way I see it if you are juggling all your responsibilities and meeting deadlines in life and work you are the real super woman. Give yourself a pat on the back... too bad we dont have capes!

What are your tips for time management?
How do you stay sane when it seems you have so much to do?