So where have you been???!!!

Well hello there!!! Some of you may be wondering where this girl has been (or maybe I am hoping you have been wondering these things LOL). Either way IM BAAACCKK!!!... So where do I start. I made a major life decision and left the counseling world (only while I make this money and regain my sanity). Working for a community mental health center that is also a non profit comes with a host of issues that I will not fully go into because we want this post to remain upbeat. I have entered the administrative world LOL. I am now a Homeless Outreach Coordinator! That’s right folks I got a little power LOL. I have no idea what my job entails right now and I’m not really sure if my boss does either but eh he has been nice and for the pay raise I will make it work!

Excuse my need of a fill in LOL

I have been cleared to work out again and will be returning to the gym on Monday sporting this nice bag I ordered from House of Bachelorette (review post coming soon)!!!

I know you are thinking why wait to go back to the gym since all I have been saying is how much I miss the gym but my old job requires a 20 working day, let’s call it what it is a month’s notice. In order to get my PTO pay out and let me tell you it is definitely worth working both jobs this week. I have been there almost 3 years and accruing leave since day one. SO I have two jobs this week. I’m working the new gig, and hitting the old one after hours. Tired much!!!

I saw my mommy in law this weekend. I adore this woman. She is my own personal angel!!! I also convinced the Mr’s cousin to play the piano at our wedding! #SCORE!!!!!!!

My weight I’m sure is off the chain. I have been feeling a little pudgy  and my engagement ring is no longer slip sliding on my finger but honestly I am not fooling with that scale until Monday and from there it will be a Monday ONLY type thing!!!

Wedding Details Link up!!!

It counts if I havent actually gotten married yet right LOL...Nothing like linking up with mega blogs that you stalk. Today I’m linking up with Holly and Mel to discuss weddings!!! As you all know I’m engaged and my big day is NOVEMBER 30, 2013 and according to my app that is 163 days away. You can read about my engagement, mega to do list, or my wedding binder that I made if you like. Since we haven’t actually jumped the broom (by the way anyone know where I can get one of those) I will sneak peak a few engagement shots!!! Enjoy!!!

Location- We will be married in my hometown at Holy Temple COGIC (not my home church)… They have purple carpet that matches my color scheme!!! The PARTY will be at a hotel… bar included… well bar funded my dad LOL

Bridal Party—8 bridesmaids, 8 groomsmen, 2 jr Bridesmaids, 2 jr groomsmen 3 flower girls, 3 hostesses, 1 male usher…. Wayyyy too many people. If I could take back the invites (and the people who guilted me into saying yes) I would but eh we will make it rock!

Colors—Purple dresses for my gals and grey suits for his guys

First Dance—Ummmm I’m undecided… any suggestions????

Honeymoon—He is planning that I don’t need the stress or the responsibility. I told him I want to be surprised, and I want something tropical *crosses my fingers and prays for a great honeymoon

 

What Would I Change?— Well my big day has not arrived but what I would do differently is not broadcast it for a few months and just enjoy him. I also would not be bullied into saying yes to every cousin that called me her favorite. LOL!!!

 

 

 

 

Side note I am loving my booty in these jeans... Sorry Im not sorry for saying that!!!

 

 

For more  pictures and info on us and our day check out our site

Wedding to do list updated!!!

Hello out there!!! I'm back and boy have I been busy. This is just a quick check in post. Remember this post about the wedding check list (original source) and how massive it was? I also found this site that has free printables. Well I have accomplished some things. This will be the last time I post the entire list and from now on I will just post what I still need to do LOL...

Overall:

1.     Set a date

2.     Book a venue

3.     Book photographer

4.     Engagement photos

5.     Book videographer (only if the budget allows)

6.     Book band/ DJ (we opted for a DJ)

7.     Ask bridal party to be in wedding

8.     Create wedding website

9.     Book florist (not booked but have met and chosen one and have a quote)

10. Buy wedding dress (AVOIDING this like the plague)

11. Select bridesmaid dresses

12. Order groom’s Tux , shoes, accessories- Jeff is handling this

13.  Groomsmen arrange for tuxes (Jeff)

14. Find veil

15. Order Veil

16. Bride’s shoes

17. Book cake baker- tasting on 7/27/2013

18. Buy cake knife and server

19. Order save the dates

20. Finalize guest list

21. Cake stand

22. Cake topper

23. Ring pillow (NO Ring Bearer for us!!!)

24. Order save the dates

25. Send save the dates

26. Order guest book (the photographer is making one with engagement shots)

27. Register (wishing well wedding)

28. Reserve hotel room blocks

29. Hire a calligrapher/ order labels

30. MOB & MOH dress shopping

31. Find wedding shoes

32. Choose wedding jewelry

33. Purchase garter

34. Clutch for bride

35. Sash or belt for bride

36. Something old

37. Something new

38. Something borrowed

39. Something blue

40. 6 pence

41. Hire Day-Of Coordinator

42. Make day-of emergency kit (coordinator provides)

43. Going away outfit

44. Book makeup artist and hair stylist- still working on this I hate the cake face look

45. Wedding favors…ehhhhh IDK what we will do

46. Getting ready outfit for bride and bridesmaids- button down shirts work best

47. Menu tasting

48. Cake tasting

49. Hair and makeup trial (July 27)

50. Get measured for dress

51. Pick up dress

52. Order invitations

53. Get invitation envelopes to calligrapher- LABELS BABY

54. Send invitations

55. Bridal party gifts

56. Family gifts

57. MOH gift

58. Wedding Map

59. Order Chinese Lanterns

60. Purchase wedding bands – bride & groom

61. Put together picture list for photographer

62. Get marriage license

63. Book transportation for wedding party

64. Welcome bags- maybe not for us

65. Signature drink- hmmm still on the fence about this one

66. Gift for Groom

67. Music selection for DJ

68. Playlists for cocktail hour

69. Book wedding night hotel room

70. Order thank you notes

71. Tips and thank you notes for vendors

72. Signs for bar, guest book, lanterns, bourbon- hmm IDK that we need this one

73. Distribute timeline/contacts to family/vendors/DOC

74. GET MARRIED!!

Ceremony:

1.     Book musician- piano player from church

2.     Book church

3.     Pre-marital counseling (church)

4. Music Selections

Reception:

1.     Book caterer

2.     Order rentals- called and left a message 6/15

3.     Decorations for bride and groom’s chairs- Coordinator provides this

4.     Candles (flameless policy at the hotel cancels this)

5. Flip flops or reception flats

6. Sparklers/lanterns

7. Card box
 

Rehearsal Dinner:

Book venue and reserve

Excetra:

1.     Bachelorette/Bachelor party- CJ is planning this

2.     Bridal Showers

3.     Book honeymoon- Jeff is planning this

4.     Honeymoon Shopping

5.     Bridesmaid Luncheon- I need to decide on this

6.     Hostess gifts for showers

Guest Post from Veronica!!!!!

Hey everyone!!! As you know Im super busy so I have left my blog in the very capable hands of my bloggy bestie Ms. V. She is super amazing and like most of us she is on that weight loss journey!!!

 

 

Hi everyone. My name is Veronica. I reside at V Watts Thoughts  My bloggy bff, Toya, invited me to do a guest post and I was all too excited to do so. If you all have followed Toya for a while, the last time I did a guest post I spoke about my spiraling downward journey through bulimia and my upturn to recovery.

Today, I’d like to talk about getting out of the “FAT GIRL FUNK”. You know what I’m talking about. It’s that mentality that you look too fat, you feel too fat, the 5lbs you lost is a drop in the bucket compared to how much you have to lose, the “oh, I’ve already eaten a candy bar today might as well chunk the rest of the day out and eat like a pig”. 

A lot of us have been there and maybe still are there. I know that for me it has been a difficult journey to get out of that mind set. As I sit here and type this blog I am a full size 16 weighing 184lbs. I can honestly tell you that I feel better about myself today than I EVERRRR EVER EVA had felt about myself when I was 138lbs during the bulimia. See, the thing is that you can reach your goals of weight loss or size or activity level but if you don’t ditch the fat girl funk then you will never be happy with any of it. I’ve been through this vicious cycle of wanting to lose weight, losing some weight, but it’s not enough so I get angry and disappointed with myself so I say screw it and I gain it all back.

It wasn’t until I learned to be positive about myself, love myself for reasons other than my weight, and give over my health (efforts) to the Lord that I began to see real results. To date, I’ve lost 36lbs. I’ve gotten back into running and I feel on top of the world. I’ve been actively trying to get healthy for the last 8 months. This is huge for me because right around 3 months ago I would have rode a rollercoaster of TRY-fail-TRY-fail and hate every moment of it. What I have discovered while losing weight this time around is that in being less stringent and critical of myself I’ve seen that it has made this process a much more pleasant one. I learned to forgive myself for “mistakes” I made with my nutrition. When I quite the nagging and self-shaming it stopped me from continuing the binge cycle.

When you focus on your mistakes you tend to continue on that path of self destruction. I also truly try to celebrate every little improvement I make. Did I lose a pound in a week? AWESOME!!! No, it wasn’t as fan-flippin-tastic as losing 5 or 10lbs but it is progress and I feel like I should acknowledge that. When I began to celebrate my little successes they no longer seemed little to me. There is a saying, “fake it til you make”. I faked being as excited about pants that were a smidge less tight until I began to really appreciate that they weren’t tight anymore. As I said I am sitting here at 184lbs and feeling fabulous about myself. Yes, I’d love to lose more weight and be in better shape but I know that will come with time. I’ve got to love the me I am now before I think I love any form of my future self.

Let go of the past, look towards the future, be kind to yourself, and get outta that fat girl funk!

Guest Post From Laney!!!

Hello all Im not here but Laney has been so gracious to guest post for me.

NOTE: This is kind of a lengthy post but I'm sorry in advance. I had to vent tho and get this off my chest as we always need to do at times.

I have this amazing friend on facebook. I know her thru a cousin of mine. I am extremely glad that I know this friend because of her strong faith and daily walk she has with the Lord. I wish my faith and strength was as strong as hers. She wrote this and put it on facebook and while reading it I let go of several emotions. I was in tears by the time I got finish reading it that I could barely see to finish. I knew there was a reason I had been brought to her facebook at that exact time. I have been thru so much in the past 8 yrs, or mths and days even. That I was meant to see that right then and there and when I read it and the emotion came thru. I knew that God brought me to it.

So here's what she wrote and it's amazing work I must say that. All the credit goes to Ansley.

So as you read this....and I mean really read this. No tv one, no checking your cell phone when you get a call or a text message or a facebook update, no radio on. Just you, silence and reading this.

I’m sitting at a busy intersection, which way do I turn? So many choices, so many distractions competing for my attention, but only one decision can be made. I can’t make the decision on my own…a quick glance in the rear-view mirror will testify to that…miles of rough & worn roads lie behind me. In frustration, I close my eyes & rest my forehead on the steering wheel. Amongst all the noise, a whisper rings in my ears. I hear the voice again & when I open my eyes, I’m in the backseat & Jesus is at the wheel...“You just sit back & relax, I’ll take it from here.†, he whispers again. I start to cry out, “but I can’t…what if…†. He smiles & calmly places his hand on my heart. “You are mine & I have a plan, just trust me”, he says softly. I sit back in wonder, as I wait for his plan to unfold. (***May my eyes remain fixed on you Jesus & give me the strength to make the right decisions.)

I get to the part where it says "I hear the voice again & when I open my eyes, I’m in the backseat & Jesus is at the wheel...“You just sit back & relax, I’ll take it from here.†, he whispers again. I start to cry out, “but I can’t…what if…†. He smiles & calmly places his hand on my heart. “You are mine & I have a plan, just trust me”, he says softly. I sit back in wonder, as I wait for his plan to unfold. (***May my eyes remain fixed on you Jesus & give me the strength to make the right decisions.)"

I cant even get thru reading that completely before I am crying and tears are running down my face. Because I know that no matter what I go thru, no matter how bad it may seem, no matter if I feel like noone is there to turn to. There always is that one that we can turn to. He's always there. Rain or shine. Day or night. All we have to do is Call on him and he'll answer. He's never late and he's always on time.

Let me give you all a recap of why I blog the way I do at times. Why I may seem happy one day, mad at the world the next, roller coaster of emotions. Which may be why some of you are scared to post comments b/c you're not sure what to say b/c you dont know how I will react to them. Totally understandable. But do know that I'd rather have someone tell me the truth and be bold and honest about it than to lie and keep it from me or sugar coat it even. So if you have something to say. Say it please!

Ok..... I have so much built up anger inside of me and it comes from things that have happened in the past. Like bad relationships. Like for 7 yrs I was abused physically, verbally, mentally, and emotionally. One relationship I was too blind to see that he didnt care about me but what I had in the bank and ended up cleaning me out and getting away with it due to cutting a deal with the investigators. I've had several guys lead me on and play me and use me. But basically the built up anger comes from the 7 yrs I had to put up with a wife beater and I thought I loved this person and thought he loved me and to me at the time I did love him. I loved him and his kid and would do anything and everything I could for them. (Even the last year together when I was out of a job I ended up taking care of his child every day after school and even during holidays she was out so that he wouldnt have to pay day care) Being a house wife was one of them. You might as well have called me the live in maid and baby sitter because that's exactly how I felt at times.

Here's the deal... For 6 yrs I would cook, clean house top to bottom, have the kid fed, bathed, school work done, snack bag and all packed for the next day, both of their clothes laid out for the next day, beds turned down and ready to be slept in for that night, kitchen cleaned, his plate in the microwave b/c he ate at 11 pm, extra plate for work the next day in the fridge, dog taken care of, clothes washed, dried, folded, hung up or put up, and I could go on. and even the last yr i was there and out of work I mowed grass every 2 weeks so that he wouldnt have to. the only things he had to cut was the ditches and there was only 2 of them. I did all of this for him. Note: When I worked I did all of this and paid our phone bills, he paid the rest of the bills in the house. I paid my bills that I had - car, cell phone, car insurance that sort of thang. You'd think a man that had all that and had a woman that did all that and who was like a mother to a child that wasnt even hers. You'd think this man would want to marry her right. Wrong!! He'd been married before and got divorced and had a kid and didnt want anymore kids and I had eventually accepted that b/c I loved him and I loved his daughter.

I had finally taken so much that one night Oct 10, 2011 @ about maybe 10 or so me and him some how got in an argument. which was all the time when he drank heavily. Weird that it was a Monday night (just looked it up) but, since I didnt have a cell phone any longer he didnt let me use his cell phone or the house phone that night to call my parents. Long story short he hit me in the mouth. I ran grabbed the house phone he had unplugged it, had to ran several miles in just socks to the neighbors and wake them up and call my parents. His dad lived a few miles down and I ended up calling his mom and letting her know what was going on. She tried calling him he didnt answer. She called his dad (they are divorced) and his dad went to the trailor and his kid was in the house alone. He had took the vehicle that was mine and his name was on the papers as well but he took it and went and hid it so I wouldnt take it. Even when I had rights to it. So I get a ride back with his dad and I get all my stuff out of the house that I can. Luckily I got it all out and didnt have to make another trip other than dropping the key off. I learned not to take my tv back down there. Well...my parents came and got me and we loaded up my stuff and he better be glad he didnt show up with my dad and bro were there b/c they wanted to kick his tail.

I never heard from him til a mth later. He called b/c I had deleted him and his daughter from facebook. I wasnt with him so why did he need to be on my facebook and why did she. B/c i was constantly getting messages from her saying she missed me, she loved me, when was i coming back to be with her daddy and all that sorta stuff. I couldnt handle it so I deleted them both. he called thanksgiving weekend that thursday night at 11 pm. Luckily I was on the phone with a friend of mine so he beeped in. He was fussing of course and I told him several times not to call the house again b/c my parents were asleep. He knows how my parents are and all and he was 38 at the time and he didnt care if he woke my parents up or not. Luckily my friend stayed on the phone with me til he quit or til I could fix it where he wouldnt call at all. Which took a day but we ended up chatting that night by phone and he was calling b/c of that issue but also b/c he called to say "I'm sorry." (note: this man never said those words ever. maybe like with that time it was he had said it like twice in 7 yrs) Anyways....(this is getting lengthy and I'm sorry) He wanted to get back together. He had an arrangement tho. I live here at my parents during the week and on the weekend he'd come get me and I'd stay with him all weekend. And even threw in there that he'd marry me. I said no. It was too late, that I had had all I could take. I didnt want to take it anymore.

I left one minor detail out. When I had to run on foot, I took a moment and got down on my knees and told God...."God....I get it now. Took me 7 yrs but I finally get it. I'm done. I'm completely done." I told God that night that I was done with that man and that bs he put me thru on and off for 7 yrs. Like my mom says, "I reckon when he hit you, he knocked some sense into ya." That and the fact that I know what would happen or probably happen if I went back and I dont want that. Life is too short to go thru life scared and wondering if you'll ever see your family again.

I am extremely glad that I got down on my knees that night. And that God was there. But what I hadn't realized he was there all along. It just took me asking for him to be there. and to lead and guide me and be there every step of the way. And he was.

Thanks to God, family, and friends and lots of prayers and support I am where I am today. I wouldnt change it any other way. and I wouldnt go back and change those 7 yrs b/c our past makes us who we are today.

So there you have ladies, my story of why I have built up anger. Why my post cant be happy go lucky every day? I'm full of emotion and I dont mind showing it esp during typing. I just type what's on my heart and soul for that day.

So I hope each of you understand and take heed to all of this. Thanks for reading!

Have you had moments where you wondered if God was there or not? If you were by yourself and all alone and didn't know what to do.

I always heard the "I dont believe in hitting a woman." "I dont beat a woman or lay a hand on her." ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS is all I'm going to say.

What's your advice to me about this whole situation and about trusting another guy b/c this guy has scared me shitless of men period. Let alone about all or at least 3 other guys I've dated.

 

~*Night Owler*~

June Goals!!!!- How is it June already?!?!?!

June already!!! I’m still late because it’s the 3^rd LOL!!!! Anywho I just popped in to give a brief update. I’m super busy in my life right now and lots of things that I will blog about as soon as they are finalized are taking place. So I will be having some guest post happening. If you are interested in guest posting email me: latoyaccarter (at) gmail (dot) com.

That being said I’m still planning this fabulous wedding on a strict budget, and the struggle to lose weight continues. I haven’t been on the scale because TOM is sooo happening right now… Soon as that is over I will go back to weighing and checking in via blog EVERY Monday. When I was holding myself accountable and blasting those numbers for the world I was making progress.

Since my hip bone is STILL bruised I’m not running but I have been cleared to ride the bike. Let me tell you the bike is soooo BORING!!!! I guess this is how outdoor runners feel about the treadmill but honey I would slap someone to be able to hit that treadmill!!! LOL. Ok peeps that’s about all I can say right now stay tuned!!!  Here are my mini goals for the month: