feeling like a non factor

how is number one always feeling like a non muthafucking factor? what does that say about the relationship? how can you be such a good father, friend, brother, uncle, son bruh and suck at being my man [as of late] or is it that recdnt evnts have opened my eyes and ive never been number 1? when your son says see you tomorow you make sudden trips so he will not be upset. a friend says help me move and run to their aide. your brother says he needs you and you go no quesions asked. same with your neieces your mom and lets not even go there with the frat. yet im left alone feeing like i dont matter. how is it you are so busy and im never invited? how can you go a whole day without talking to the one you say you love? bottom line since you dont care i will try everyday not to care too. eventually it will work and this pain will subside but for now i ponder this how do you let go of something that you fough so hard to get back.....