Choices

The game of life is all about choices. We are taught about consequences and how our actions may effect us for a time to come. Yet we are never prepared for the obvious. Eventually our choices will have adverse recourse on our lives. We will chose the wrong job, city, guy, or girl and the impact it has is long lasting. Never again will you view anything or anyone that reminds you of the bad situation the same. So now due to choices you have to decide what to do. Jump ship because it wasn't what you thought or stick it out and look for the positive? Again its about choices. So what do you do when your choice no longer chooses you?

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Fairy tales and Happy endings

When we are young we want to be princesses! Not for the love or even the prince but for the dresses and fairy godmothers. Then we get a little older and realize that the prince is the catch. He is supposed to save us, break a spell, slay a dragon and make it all better. Then we grow some more and learn that while there are some prince charmings there are a lot of toads. While searching for our prince and navigating the lands of far far away we find heart break ave, lonely lane, and the one who got away. Soon we are women and the prince and fairy godmother loose there appeal. We are now watching soap operas, sitcoms, and reality shows. But what do they all have in common? Love. How many soaps have women trying to keep a man, and on the sitcoms there are great men who work, are loyal and love there women. Let's not even discuss the celebrities searching for love or its cousin lust. Hell even Carrie married Big. So what are women to do? We are bred to believe in love then when we expect it we are to blame, or moving too fast, or putting on the pressure. So what do we do? Settle or wait for the dream?

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No more blaming them its me

Attracted to the wrong men... as I lay here alone I know this has to be the answer. I'm educated have my own and now single. So what else could it be? They say the timing but I'm in prime dating age, my weight: I know overly obese women that are married, I'm a single parent; I know women with 3 baby dadies and 1 husband, my location; I left chatt. So what is it? I'm attracted to the wrong men and the wrong men love me. Guy at the gas station was charismatic but he had a ring, honey in the meat section was gorgeous but his lady was grabbing milk, the tire guy was sweet but only wanted to beat, and the tow truck guy is a whole other blog. As I lay here I can't help but wonder what's wrong with me that attratcs the taken, emotionally unavailable, or emotionally immature? I have even had a gay guy attempt to change teams. What am I doing wrong?

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Home

I think I'm ready to go home. Nashville was full of promise. Its a wonderful city on paper. More to do and so rich in culture. Full of universitys and hospitals. It has gyms and the promise of love. But I believe the love affair with the city ended with the move. Once I arrived I realized its crowded and there is always a wait. The city is full of broken promises and unkept dates. It seems my sure thing was just a weekend thing. When I was visitng on the weekend and looking online things wre fantastic love at first sight I was definitely number 1 but now I believe I'm ready to go home. Chattanooga is slic lame and it just recently upgraded the shopping experience but its home. It knows what I need before I open my mouth and just when I'm getting bored here's a party to attend a reason to dress up. They have new attractions and even a new car dealership so its not so bad or is it? I'm sure after I'm home for a while the reasons I left will become very prevelant again. It will be the same old thing the same people the same tourist and I'm sure the same old ish. Guess I'm loking for something new a new place to call home. I'm sure ever city will have its issues but I need a city that will work with me and my needs.. hmmm Atlanta is looking good and in my field I'm sure I can do well.... or maybe its time to hook up with the reds and try texas..... we will see.....

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Laughter instead of Tears

Its funny how you get so used to something you can swear its there. What about when you cry after you finally get what you want that's even funnier. Laughter is supposed to be a cure but is it really a mask that covers pain? Do you ever smile when you really want to cry? I do it all the time. I smile when he doesn't call, when the bills are bigger than the check, when the gas tank and the check card are both on E. I just keep smiling. What makes me laugh the most is all the changes I've made and he cannot do the same. Its hilarious that he believs words are ok as long as there is no action. He says efort is all he asks but where is his effort. Is it with the girl he wants to send his resume, or the girl he thinks is beautiful? Or how about the one that's "pfa" maybe they are getting all my effort. What I find hysterical is that I still tried but today I'm done.

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IS IT TOO MUCH

What's too much? What's not enough? So I'll admit I'm a hopeless romantic I love love nothing is better. So is it wrong to want the fairy tale? I know there won't be a knight in shining armor which is ok with me because I just wanted the guy in the impala. I guess that was asking too much. Ok I'll admit I can be a little needy at times but what person is not especially a woman. I want texts and calls and cards for no reason its the little things that make me happy. However let's not get it twisted I do my part as well but is asking for a show of intrest asking for too much? So when I ask for game night, movie night, date night, us night is that asking too much? Wanting to talk, spend time, and nurture the relationship why does it seem like I'm asking for too much? Is it too much? No its just too much for you. So I'm back at everynight praying to GOD and working on me so when HE is ready I will be ready for the guy who knows its not too much.

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THE ROAD TO MY BUTTERFLY TATTOO

So for me the butterfly I will eventually have tattooed on my body means so much to me. It represents the transformation I have completed. My spiritual growth began in Chatt and now that I'm no longer there I need to find a church home to feed that part of my soul. I've grown as a parent, person, and friend, and come to terms with painful parts of my past. As well as completed my masters degree and found the job I said I've always wanted. The pay sucks but helping others is what I do. The final part is weight loss. No point in having a tattoo that I can't show. So I have roughly 50 pounds to loose. I figure while I'm doing that I can also explore area churches and find a place to call home.... let the journey begin....

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