Life Quote

Life is like a game of cards.

The hand that is dealt you represents determinism;

the way you play it is free will.

Jawaharal Nehru

Sorry for the delay

Hello!!!! Because it is Tuesday and I am doing Monday management it should be evident that I did not win that battle! LOL… Ok my workout was good though. I did 35 minutes of cardio (new goal is an hour, but finding the time is very hard right now) and a few weight machines that target your back.

Thank goodness for the front cameras lol

why am I so big :(

From the looks of my daughter Monday got to her too! LOL. I have her do extra math homework at night because that is a struggle we have. Any suggestions would be nice

I did not send her to school with  her hair like that.... Monday is hard on everyone LOL

Dinner was toooo good and very healthy! Salmon and broccoli.... I'm learning to ease up on the butter and enjoy the vegetable for what it is (its a process LOL)

Im going to start using saucers

With the weight watchers this is only 3 points... I had to account for the butter... But I still maintained my daily point target.

 Enjoy the week!!!!  

*Drinks some water because I am trying to drink my weight in water*

If you dont wanna love me

Ok here is one more that is on repeat right about now! Tamar Braxton is saaanging this song! Get your life honey!!!!

"If You Don't Wanna Love Me"- Tamar Braxton

I stopped by to see you
just the other day
And I wanna say
That I finally realized
the words I love you don't mean a thing

It's so hard for me to see
Because you meant everything to me
But I guess I gotta move on
Even though it hurts I gotta be strong

If you don't wanna love me, don't love me
Don't wanna touch me, don't touch me
Cause I don't want you
To do anything, that you don't want to do

And if you don't wanna miss me, don't miss me
Don't wanna kiss me, don't kiss me
Cause I don't want you to do anything
That you don't wanna do no

Who would've known that on
The nights that you were hanging late
All alone I'd lay awake in our bed
Someone else was putting food on your plate

I refuse to believe
that you never ever loved me
I've gotta move on,
our love is gone
And this house is not a home

If you don't wanna love me, don't love me
Don't wanna touch me, don't touch me
Cause I don't want you
To do anything, that you don't want to do

And if you don't wanna miss me, don't miss me
Don't wanna kiss me, don't kiss me
Cause I don't want you to do anything
That you don't wanna do no

You can be lonely
I don't really care
But didn't have to make me think
That you would be right here
You said that you would be there
So if you don't

If you don't wanna love me, don't love me
Don't wanna touch me, don't touch me
Cause I don't want you
To do anything, that you don't wanna do

And if you don't wanna miss me, don't miss me
Don't wanna kiss me, don't kiss me
Cause I don't want you to do anything
That you don't wanna do

Lie To me

These lyrics are speaking to my soul right about now...

"Lie To Me"- Ne-yo

Lie to me, lie to me, lie to me, lie to me
Lie to me, lie to me, lie to me, lie

I just wanna be NUMB
I don't wanna feel a thing
I don't want reality
Actually, reality stinks

How about we just pretend
That your cellphone didn't even ring
And that I wasn't on the other side of the door
Listening to everything, tell me another lie

I don't wanna know what I know to be true
What I need you to do, tell me another lie
I don't wanna know what I know to be true
What I need you to do, tell me another lie
I don't wanna know what I know to be true
What I need you to do, tell me another lie
I don't wanna know what I know to be true
What I need you to do, tell me another lie

Lie to me, lie to me, lie to me, lie to me
Lie to me, lie to me, lie to me, lie

Please make me believe (make me believe)
That there's nobody for you BUT me (for you BUT me)
When I ask who were you talking to
Tell me it was KIMBERLY

Tell me THAT last night you didn't leave
After you thought I was asleep
Krept back in that 6:45
Tell me it was just a dream

Baby I need (I need), desperately (desperately), desperately (desperately)
To believe you
'Cause I won't be held (won't be held), responsible (responsible)
For what what (what what), what I might do

Baby I need (I need), desperately (desperately), desperately (desperately)
To believe you
'Cause I won't be held (won't be held), responsible (responsible)
For what what, what I might to do me another lie
(Oh)

I don't wanna know what I know to be true (don't wanna know, don't wanna know)
What I need you to do, tell me another lie (another lie, yeah)
I don't wanna know what I know to be true
What I need you to do, tell me another lie (oh, tell me another lie)
I don't wanna know what I know to be true (don't wanna know, no no)
What I need you to do, tell me another lie (tell me a lie)
I don't wanna know what I know to be true (hey, hey, hey, hey)
What I need you to do, tell me another lie

Tell me another lie
Tell me another lie
Tell me another lie
Tell me another lie

I don't wanna know what I know to be true
What I need you to do, tell me another lie
I don't wanna know what I know to be true
What I need you to do, tell me another lie
I don't wanna know what I know to be true
What I need you to do, tell me another lie
I don't wanna know what I know to be true
What I need you to do, tell me another lie

Mommy Moment!!!!

I absolutely love being a SOCCER MOM!!!!! It is incredible. I am one of those screamers too... Sorry LOL Ok really Im not... I get really involved in the game and I am sure to cheer for all the kiddos on her team! Just wanted to share some pics of my big girl!!!! She did very well this game too. She is her mother's child though because as she got mad her skills seemed to improve LOL 

On our way out the door

Posed up!!!!

After the game

Lucky Number 7

Ok enjoy your weekend!!!!!

What a Week!!!!!

WOW what a week I had! Monday may have been my bitch but I cannot say the same for the rest of the week. Let me hit the high points!!!...

Mini Me

My baby killed it at soccer practice this week. She was “dribbling and shooting” (IKR they use basketball terms too) all over the place I was very excited. Hopefully she will bring some of that to the game!!!! She also rocked her spelling test so Mommy is very proud.

The J-O-B

I was called to testify is a DCS hearing and ended up feeling as if I were on trial and please believe my child is not deprived!!!! I expected it to be a little brutal but geeesh. It was my first time in a court room since I worked in CPS. I guess I was a little rusty to say the least. Also there was the usual “how does that make you feel” “you are an addict now let’s deal with that” convos that happen but that is nothing new… The major thing is my coworker found brown recluse spiders. Apparently they bite you and you get a huge hole in your skin (that is gross on so many levels). What makes it worse is he was told (according to him) that the building is infected with them and the higher ups will not pay to have the place sprayed. Talk about a hazard. It’s cool because if I survive a bite a pay raise will be the least of their concerns LOL...

There are 3 of them and no those are NOT granddaddy long legs... I searched them on google and compared  them. they are brown recluse

Diet/Exercise

Well I worked out 3 days this week doing the C25K plan for 2 days and a step class 1 day. That is 2 days under my original goal but 1 day more than I usually manage (seeking progress and not perfection). I also joined *drum roll please* Weight Watchers!!!! 

Start up kit that comes with some very helpful information.

One of the things stressed the most (which anyone that has ever dieted knows) is to track everything you eat. The lady even said "You snack it you track it, If it goes in your smacker write it in your tracker). I'm not sure what method of tracking I will use just yet. I am going to try some apps, and of course the old pen and paper but the kit came with these...

They also give you weekly mini magazines that include tips for weight loss, and nice recipes.

I imagine myself singing loudly and off key “If you want it you got it you gotta believe” like J. Hud’s commercial. I am not a talented vocalist, I just play one in the shower. So thus far I am on my way to success in all areas. I saw my true starting weight and almost cried but there is no one blame but me and no one can change it but me. SO here we go.  Wish me luck

Monday Management (Make Monday my Bitch!!!)

So anyone who knows me personally knows that while I am always thankful to see another day I HATE MONDAYS!!!! Ugghh nothing ever goes right for me. It’s like I can’t get right on a Monday morning and then by the time I get into my groove it’s time to go home… Or maybe I am lazy and just don’t want to face work on Monday, it could also be that I am forever starting my diet or new work out schedule on Monday,  either way it’s not my day. I have also noticed that if I don’t work out on Mondays my gym week goes to hell. I cannot seem to pick it up on a Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and HECK no on Friday LOL. So I have decided to make Monday my Bitch!!!! This is a series I will do every Monday in an effort to make Monday more manageable for me… I started today right I had myfitness pal send me my password so that I can begin tracking my food and exercises… again, updated treatment plans, returned voicemails, and completed mid month documentation! GO ME… Then I went to the gym and started for the second time the C25K or couch to 5k program (or at least my modified version of it). Since I used to run (ok jog a little) I started my running intervals at running for two minutes walking for 1.5 minutes... All in all I won and Monday was my bitch!!!!! These post workout pics say different but hey I’m claiming this victory!!!

Why I look like I lost a fight?... Tired LOL

Thats better! love those sunglasses

I definitly have to wash my hair tonight LOL...

Pretend

Lets pretend that we are strangers and make believe that we have never hurt each other. Falling in love all over again only this time lets make it real. Pretend that you love all of me and don’t want to change me. Ill act like your disrespect doesn’t hurt me and pretend you want to change my last name. So I am putting on a strong armor and not being so fragile and you will whisper kind words and act like my strength matters. Lets start over. Lets have a fresh start. Lets live in a land where old hurt doesn’t matter and we are both searching for new love. A life where I’m enough for you because we know you are all I want. A world where my strong passion and desire is not smothering but welcomed because you recognize the strength and depths of my love. Lets pretend.

Its me



I dont know what happened... I have never been skinny but as of now I am bigger then when I went in to give birth to my daughter.... OK maybe I do know what happend. I started eating everything and stopped trying to work out.  Take a look...

Me about 3.5 years ago

This picture is after I lost 20 pounds in one month. It was very hard and Im not sure it was totally healthy (eating only meat and working out two times a day) but the results were so quick.











So the weight starts coming back and I pretend I dont know. I was eating in secret and really acting like an addict and I guess for food I am. I LOVE TO EAT.

Then I turned to no longer taking body pics but really there is only so much you can do to avoid looking big before you realize its not the camera, the clothes didnt shrink, its not your eyes, and it was not your posture. IT IS YOU... or in my case TOYA ITS YOU...  So here is what I decided exercise is not my issue I dont mind it so much its the food. I have a fitness app on my ohone and I am counting calories and adding more fruits and vegetables. I have not seen any resukts but I feel better, and I am no longer as slugissh... While I in no way have my high school body back I am definitly taking baby steps to get there.... wish me luck

*crunches on a baby carrot with no ranch*