What now?

You ever just felt lost?... you know those people in life who simply excel at one thing or another? Ever feel like that is not you? Well that is how I am feeling today. I know this is not an accurate description of who I am because I am good at most things that I try. However with the loss of this contract I feel like the rug has been swept from under me… Let me give you some back story…

…. Previously I worked in a prison in a substance abuse program. I LOVED it. I did not like the polices and politics surrounding the small town prison but the work I did with the guys (all male prison) and learning about the criminal mind was very enjoyable. (Side note- I am a therapist and I have been in the helping profession in some capacity since I graduated with my Bachelors in 2006) So at my current job I slid into the position of providing after care services to those leaving federal prison and attempting to return to society. These individuals completed the RDAP (Residential Drug Abuse Program) program. RDAP is a 9 month intensive substance abuse program that they complete while in jail. The program also addresses their criminal behavior and mindset. Once they are released they come and see me individually as well as in group for 6 months during the transitional period in their lives. It was my thing I was the BOP lady at work LOL. I handled all their paper work and spoke with the half way house and the head people of their transitional program. As much as I was teaching them they were teaching me. Now today is their last group session….

So back to my feelings… I feel like my niche is gone. Who am I now? (Wait that was a little extra lol… but you understand) There are so many specializations in the helping profession, even teachers have to decide what they will teach and we all have to find what works for us and dealing with criminals is what I do well. True I enjoy my addicts, and the occasional schizophrenic but understanding the criminal mind (and not being bound by steel bars, and jealous CO’s {different blog for a different day}) is my thing. Originally I was all about the VA hospital and I do have a soft spot for my vets but a criminal that wants to change is who I feel I can best help…..

...what about the guys? Where will they go? Who is going to help them? why is that because they have a criminal past their lives are just so carelessly changed? For any other group there would have been adequate notice so that there was time to terminate. Also there would be more information as to what is next for them. They have to continue care but I cannot even say where or when. They will have questions that I am unable to answer and that makes me sad for them...

*DEEEEP sigh, sad face, sips coffee and prepares for the rest of my day*

They do exsist

In less than 7 days you changed my life. Showed me that what I want is actualy out there. When others have said its a myth. I don't enjoy that you have been swept away but to now know that you exsist makes me smile. They say everything happens for a reason and I'm guessing your reason was hope. I now have more hope that he is out there with the qualities I want. I undestand that I don't have to settle. No more settling because I've given hope. Thank you. Occasionally I will reflect on our short time together and smile and since we will never speak again this is my tribute and gratitude to you.... thanks....

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4